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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293398">A Space Affair</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylojunk/pseuds/kylojunk'>kylojunk</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux Has Issues, Arranged Marriage, Dominant Armitage Hux, F/M, Forbidden Love, Force Choking (Star Wars), Jealous Armitage Hux, Jealous Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Mind Control, Physical Abuse, Rivalry, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:21:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylojunk/pseuds/kylojunk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A newly-wed princess, bride of the First Order. An arranged marriage, for the purpose of your family, for your name. What about you? What do you want in life? Reader x Kylo Ren.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux &amp; Reader, Armitage Hux/Reader, Kylo Ren &amp; Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Arrival</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="xcontrast">
<p></p><div>
<p></p><div><p> </p><p>"You pushed me into this. I've never wanted to be a wife, especially to a man like him." Realizing the crowd watching you two, you lowered your voice. Getting married was never of your plan, just didn't look up to it like any other average woman in your age would. You didn't pity them or anything. Being in love and beloved at the same time was like a dream to you. Again, a dream, too good to be true. So now you found yourself carrying the rest of your belongings to your new home, which you avoided to call so, to Starkiller.</p><p>"You don't realize the importancy of your marriage yet, but soon you will. Being married to a general that is leading the First Order. How many women you know that could get this chance?" You were going to defend by saying that you don't know a single thing about him and you didn't care to, but she interrupted as she handed you the necklace she's been wearing.</p><p>"Mom.." You hesitated extending a hand over to hers. "Why are you-"</p><p>"This pendant be better on your chest now, as you are the one who representing our bloodline across the galaxy." You've heard some mutterings from the audience behind the windows and balconies.</p><p>"Because of my husband?" You teased.</p><p>"I know you're not very fond of him. But none of those emotions make sense after a while, anyway. What remains is the respect in marriage. Respect is the key. Never forget this, my girl."</p><p><em>Too much</em>. You thought. Too much respect that he doesn't even care to interact his four-months-wed wife. Not sure you would want him to, though. But none of this made sense to you when you didn't have somebody that remind you of your marriage around you. He came and went only a couple times since you tied the knot and you couldn't put him anywhere in your life. Very few times you two got to be together, a dinner, an afternoon walk and a few visits to the base. General was tend to stay silent in those times. You didn't know a thing about him. And yet he was the person that you'd spend the rest of your life with.</p><p>"I'll come visit you very soon. Cannot stand that much of steel on sight. Everything is about war." You adjusted the ends of your sleeves stuck under the bracelets.</p><p>"Cantonica is no better than Starkiller base, after all." Your mom smiled hesitantly tapping on your cheek like she would when you were a child. It brought up a mixture of memories that you didn't expect to just come and hit you in your heart.</p><p>"You know I do this for you." Tears blurring your vision, you added. "I wouldn't care a dime if the empire went all the way down. I didn't marry that fox to share his power. It is because it's-"</p><p><em>It's the only way you would feel proud of me</em>, you wanted to say. But ignored the thought. It was not the time for these things, now. You made a choice. A choice that was already designated for you. You didn't put the blame on your mother because it was just the way it went for years around Cantonica. She didn't make the rules. Wish you were an average person, an average girl who could just hang out with your friends, arrange a party and socialize. All you wanted was to have some fun and enjoy your youth but that was taken from you at birth.</p><p>Your mother placed a kiss on your cheek and hugged you tightly like she never wanted to let you go. "I can cancel this just now, mom. All of this. If you'd just tell me." You swallowed a crack in your voice as you glanced your closest friends at the balcony.</p><p>She backened up and stared at your eyes longingly. A wind of hesitation passed across her eyes as her mouth parted to say something. You were desperate to hear her say just that one word. <em>Stay</em>. But she said something else.</p><p>"It's time." She smiled sincerely and eyed at the approaching ships. You could see how broken she was that she had no control of these things happening. You understood her, the expression on her face: the regret, helplessnes… And same helplessness you were feeling deep down that made you feel numb in your arms.</p><p>Three ships landed on the port. Men in white armors came out like ants coming out of their nests. <em>Were these men really necessary?</em> A black shadow divided them into two and drew closer. Man in a dark uniform in contrast to his pale skin came closer. His copper hair was slicked back in the same fashion each time you've seen him. A smile on his lips as his eyes skipped between you and your mother. It was Armitage Hux. Your <em>beloved</em> husband.</p><p>"Your highness." He bowed his head in front of your mother and reached for her hand. He kissed her hand and smiled. You watched your belongings being loaded on the ships as Hux approached. You stood there stiff as a statue as he extended his hand to you. "My beloved wife." You snorted at the words and it turned his sly smile into a grin. <em>Wrong</em> <em>signals</em>. "Long time since our last gathering." He placed a kiss on your hand.</p><p>"Indeed, very long." You forced a smile.</p><p>Hux greeted the audience. "Seems that you will be missed here." He drew his attention back to you. It twinged something in your heart.</p><p>It happened like all in a blink. A few words shared about the things like weather, the new establishments and economy. Hux escorted you to his ship as the gentleman he was. You turned around to see your mother once again as you heard the gates of the other two ships closed with hissing sound. Your hand still in Hux's, waved at her together. Last thing you saw was her wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. And behind her, the crowd you called family and friends.</p><p>As the last ray of sunshine disappearred between the closing door of the ship, your vision got darkened suddenly. It took a few blinking to regain your vision back. First thing you saw was two hands clenched. You pulled your hand out of Hux's captive hesitantly and he released your hand as he showed the corridor before him and led you around the ship. Four of stormtroopers followed behind you with synchronized steps as you skipped through the hallway that seemed like it had no end.</p><p>"It should take an hour or so to get to the destroyer from here." Hux peeked through the glass and went on walking. You approached the window and observed as how fast Cantonica got smaller and went out of the sight.</p><p>You bowed your head in approval of your fate as you closed your eyes. You had several talks with your mother, your sisters and your friends about this marriage. How it worked for the empire and the First Order, how beneficial it was to strengthen the connection between the producers of ammunition and the warlords. How important you were to just put a conclusion to the never ending conflicts between the high-ranked family of yours and the galaxy army.</p><p>Knowing these all, you still wanted to break free from it. You just wanted them to peel you off of this fate, to do something and bring this tradition to an end. Your eyes wandered around the endless landscape just before you realized something. Picking up the sides of your long pale blue dress, you walked over to Hux, who was sitting on the copilot seat and having a conversation with the pilot.</p><p>"Where are we going?" You asked, an undefined terror in your voice. Like it would make any difference to hear the answer. You were gone away from home to not return back anyway. Why bother with the planet names? But no, plan was different.</p><p>"To the Imperial Star? Why?" Hux knitted eyebrows at you rather in confusion than anger.</p><p>"Oh.. I thought we would go to the Starkiller."</p><p>"What made you think we would go there?"</p><p>"As per your conversation with my mom? You willingly offered to go to Starkiller. That's why I brought all those-"</p><p>"Come with me." Hux stood up from his chain at one move and paced through the other hallway. You followed him after. What else could you do?</p><p>"You can rest till we get there." he showed you a room. "And just a reminder, this is not a happily-ever-after type of tale, princess. I don't know what made you think that we can be as a normal married couple but brush that thing off of your head immediately. You know why you're here." Hux leaned in close and stared straight into your soul. Pale green eyes shined with something you couldn't name. Rage? Victory? Ambition? Some mixture of all, maybe.</p><p>"I know." You said sharply as you turned around to enter the room that seemed like nothing but a cell. Hux stalled at the door for a while examining you and closed the door on you as he went on his way. <em>Did he just lock the door on me?</em> You rushed to the door to check the doorknob and found out it was unlocked.</p><p>"Need anything?" A stormtrooper perked up his head inside and made you gasp.</p><p>"No, thank you." You closed the door and turned back to the mattress. Sat on the mattress as you played with your locks examining the room, you realized it was all one tone of dark grey. Walls, floor, even the rails of the mattress was all the same. It was the lighting that made them look different. As a painter yourself, found it cruel to not invest any other colors than just black, gray and white in things. You laid down on the mattress and took a deep breath. Hoped that Imperial Star had some fashion to itself. Golden linings accompanying dark purple on a sofa, that stood in front of a fireplace. A large chandelier just above the dining table made of.. oak tree maybe? The name Imperial sounded promising, after all. <em>Maybe it is not that bad</em>. You thought as you found your breath slowening down, your body ready to be rolling into slumber.</p><p>A strong wind. A never ending darkness that you could get no clue of where it led other than the red spot peaking in the distance. The faster you walked to it the further it drew away from you. There was no other source of light, or another color around you, pitch black, and you tried to walk into different directions rather than towards the red figure just to find out it was a tunnel that had only two ends. You turned around and walked back where you came from and it seemed like forever as you walked. Your hair being thrown at your face by the strong wind you kept walking. Feeling trapped, you turned around and the wind cleared out your locks from your eyes as you noticed the red figure before you, a red apple in fact, floating in the air.</p><p>As a reflex, you reached for it and it got away but only for a small distance so you marched after and tried to catch it. It started to drew away faster as you became more aggressive grasping the apple. Walking turned into running and wind got stronger than ever to your chance. Your heart drummed at your ears as you tried to catch your breath but the apple was nowhere to be seen as you've checked your surroundings. It was all pitch black again. No sign of way out, nothing. By the side of your eyes something catched your attention, a cloud of smoke under a light straight from above growing bigger and closer to you.</p><p>The light must've moved towards you as well as you didn't move a muscle and the fog started to dissolve and vapourized. Under it was the red apple you've been searching, seemed like has been washed as it had droplets on. But this time apple was not floating in the air. A hand wearing dark leather glove was offering the apple to you. After all this effort and this offer seemed suspicious so you hesitated to take it at first, reached for it anyway. As your hand touched the apple, it dissappeared and the gloved hand grasped you and yanked you back into the darkness.</p><p>It made you almost jump out of the bed you've been lying on. Gasped and looked around, you realized it was just a bad dream. "Are you okay, dear?" Hux asked holding your hand in his. You looked at him confused at his kind behaviour despite the bitter talk you had while trying to catch your breath. You nodded swallowing the horror. "It's fine, I'm here." He squeezed your hand gently. "Come. We've arrived."</p></div></div></div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been thinking about writing a fic for my baby dyaddy Kylo Ren and here we are.</p><p>Just to let you know that English is not my mother tongue, beware of the faults. Didn't want to take anybody's time for editing either as I'm feeling insecure in this situations *hides face in her hands* so bare with me.</p><p>Needless to say that I do not own any of the characters (though I wish I owned Kylo if you can catch my drift ;))</p><p>Hope you enjoy it and oh please share your thoughts! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Kind Gesture</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The very first day of your arrival in the destroyer, trying to get used to your surroundings, arranging your room, meeting new faces and some other, without no faces.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p><em>Thank God, some brightness</em>. Thought to yourself as you stepped out of the ship. The hallway, which appeared wider than your great botanical garden back in Cantonica, was illuminated in contrast to the ship you came with. Tones were rather light grey up to white in here, that suited the small army of stormtroopers waiting in an order before you, that made you think they were about to sing a march or something. Hux held his hand in front of you and you placed your hand in his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Greeted the stormtroopers that are saluting you two as you walked between them to the end of the crowd where led to a darker hall. Another stormtrooper with an extremely shiny armor walked in front and nodded. “Welcome aboard, princess. I’m Captain Phasma.” Your eyebrows raised unintentionally at the voice of a woman came out of the eye-catching armour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You fully-smiled back at Phasma. “It’s nice meeting you, Captain.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve been honoured.” She nodded and went on her way, two stormtrooper following right after.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your eyes observed your surroundings not caring the attention drawn to you. It was a habit of yours that you just couldn’t help. In some cases it could be taken as rude, however you didn’t care of these little details. And you were coming from royalty, noone could have the guts to call it rude up to your face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Thought they were smaller</em>. Your eyes skipped around the TIE fighters that seemed to be hanging at the great walls of the entrance. Traced the roof where you could see how huge even the entrance of the destroyer was. The lightings, structure, the broad bridge that had full windows to pry on where you were standing. And a crowd of dark figures over the bridge right in the middle, showing no sign of life, standing still as if they were mannequins have been put there to display the dark fashion of the First Order. Something crippled your spine as you somehow sensed their attention was towards you. Of course it was. No need to question it as you were the outsider here. Had you feel even more uneasy as they paced to the right all together like they were synchronized droids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This way, dear.” Armitage led you to the corridor where Phasma disappeared a minute ago. “They’ll have your belongings moved to your room. First I want you to meet our Supreme Leader.” Your head stuck on that word.<em>Your room.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the end of the corridor, was the elevators. You played with the tip of your sleeves as you, Armitage and two guards went up the elevator. The chilling music was not helping your anxiety building up. Somehow you felt offguarded despite the stormtroopers on your both sides, eyes on the metal floor, a wave of blues washing over your chest. You were alone here. Had nobody related, no company. Doubted that even these people had company to their own. Stormtroopers looked and talked like actual droids. Had the same vibes with Captain Phasma too. The way she talked to you sounded memorized, or maybe it was the outfit that made you feel that way. That showed no trace of human expression. Then again same with Armitage, words flying out of his mouth as if they were supposed to, like an obligation of usage of the exact words in that exact sentence. To think about your future here, becoming one of these people left you with a bad taste in your mouth. Wondered if the Supreme Leader was the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gates opened to a room, circular in shape and fully red. Like everything in the room was hurtingly red to eyes, even the guards standing and pacing around the sides. The throne catched your eye at the end, and an elder man sitting on it, extending his hand forward. <em>Oh</em>. He had a skewed face that you didn’t want to be too obvious looking at it, but just couldn’t help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Welcome, young princess. Thrilled to be having you here at last.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Oh boy. Don’t look. Don’t look.</em> You talked to yourself internally while you noticed Armitage kneeled down on his knee and bowed his head. You didn’t like the idea of bowing before anybody, at any second of your life, however the idea seemed more relieving than to be looking at his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” You answered finally, eyes locked on the dark marbled floor, hoping this won’t take much time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The financial support of your family is undeniably important for the cause of First Order. Suppose you’re known of the last establishment out in Takodana.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I do. I’ve been there actually, for the opening party.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ve met at that party, Supreme Leader.” Hux replied, a flutter in his voice. You took a glimpse towards him to find him smiling at you like he saw you for the first time. You knitted your brows in confusion as if this was not the same man back when travelling here who told you that this marriage meant nothing than bureaucracy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ahh.. Two lovebirds on Imperial Star. Haven’t thought of that we could be experienced such a thing.” The leader spoke as he was reading a poem, an unnecessary sentimental tone in his voice. “A royal touch has always been beneficial for the decision-making especially. Hopefully you’ll be so kind to share your knowledge as an insider eye of the royalty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Knowledge? Of what? What does he think I was doing back in Cantonica other than being the host of balls and parties? Other than arranging gatherings, leading donations for the poor and exhibiting my paintings at the local galleries?</em> None of these features had relation to war management or whatsoever he had in his mind. But somehow you found yourself adopting an interest to be in decision-making department rather than only being a wife to a commander.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“With pleasure, Supreme Leader.” You smiled back at him only for a second before turning your gaze back on the floor as if showing respect. By the side of your eye, caught Hux staring at you, with an unfriendly look as you turned your face to him. <em>We’re going to have a problem with these mood swings.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Take a good rest, princess. You must have had a long journey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Indeed. Thank you.” You nodded slightly as you turned around to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“With your permission, Supreme Leader.” Armitage greeted the old man and joined you in the elevator.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What was that?” Hux breathed through his teeth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Armitage blinked a few times, his jaw tense he exhaled through nostrils slowly bfore speaking. “Where did being a parf of decision-making come from?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you mean where? You were also there as he offered me the guidance himself?” Knitting your eyebrows, you couldn’t help but grit your teeth at the idea of being blamed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know he offered!” He noticed the raise in his voice by the heads of stormtroopers turned up to him and adjusted his tone. “But why did you accept? Something that you have no idea of.” The insult in his tone was exposing. Yes you didn’t know a damn thing about military. Because you didn’t come across such a situation or occurance that needed knowledge. Your life was easy, peaceful like the feathers floating in the air. Why would you bother learning about something that will interrupt that peace?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Had a choice? I didn’t know.” Replied with a snarky smile, chin up like you were challenging him. You were, though. And you thought he would back up and know his place. But he didn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hux grabbed you by the elbow, pulling closer. “What are you doing?” You eyed the stormtroopers at your both sides. “Let go.” But he tightened his hold and glared at you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t play with me. I’m aware of what you are doing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What am I doing?” you hissed. His answer however was cut by the opening of the elevator gate. Hux left your arm immediately as his gaze drifted towards the corridor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There stood a massive figure, of the ones you’ve seen over the bridge earlier, wearing all black from head to toe, including a helmet that had a gap around where the eyes would be, traced with silver linings. The tall man –as the features were rather masculine and too broad to be belonged to a female you made this assumption- approached with smooth steps, his cape sweeping the floor behind him, making it look like he was floating towards you two. Something about him seemed familiar, though you couldn’t quiet be sure where you’ve seen this masked soldier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ren?” Hux greeted the man. <em>It is Kylo Ren! The grandson of Darth Vader! </em>A shiver ran down on your spine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hux?” He greeted him back with the same nod. And his attention drew to you. You could only tell this by the angle of his head, of course.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Princess? Welcome aboard. And congratulations on your wedding.” His voice was deep, dark and in despite to who he was and his looks, somehow soothing. Soothing enough for you to forget about Hux for a minute.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” You responded with a nod. “Excuse me,please.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You walked forward leaving them behind but not soon after Hux catched up, getting a grip on your forearm this time. “We’re not done yet!” He hissed and whimpered at the end of his sentence. Forgetting the abuse for a second you observed him, look of pain on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” you asked as his face went red and his left hand twirled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hux panted through his teeth as he rubbed his hurting hand with the other. “Nothing.” He looked behind him, to the closing door of the elevator.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Decision-making. The word sounded powerful and up-lifting to your ears. Something that gave you a break, an open door to be a part of this, to feel belonged in a way. A hint of freedom, having a voice over your forced-husband. The thoughts followed eachother as you were led to your room while Hux talked to you something about discipline that you didn’t perk an ear to. You didn’t even realize of the hallways and stairs you walked. “Here.” Hux brought you to the real world.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A corridor, slightly dim by the spotlights on the roof, extending up to a panoramic window that you’ve seen back there. You walked up to the window to see the great hall down below where you arrived, the ammunition being carried in boxes by the stormtroopers. A crowd in disorder pacing from here to there, checking on the materials and noting to their books. A wedding gift of your family.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Restrooms are this way, if you’d be in need.” Hux spoke showing the opposite end of the corridor. You joined him as he walked the long corridor and took a glance over the boxes being carried towards a room. “Oh, and this will be your room.” He followed behind a stormtrooper that was carrying a box.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You entered the room, a large one indeed, had nothing inside other than the kingsized bed, a commode right next to it and a wardobe covering one of the walls that had a body length mirror on one wing. Lighting here was again weak, however the dark room had large window for a sightseeing through the galaxy which was pretty refreshing. You took a quick walk around and looked through the landscape. “Your room has the best view, to be fair.” Hux commented as he drew closer to you. You observed him, his face neutralized of any emotion, viewing the eternal landscape before him. Despite his ugly mood swings, you admitted that he was a handsome man. His profile, the bushy eyebrows that seemed like protecting the soft look in his eyes, the bridge on his nose that brought a slightly aggressive manner to his look, again in contrast to the round shape of his chin. The man had contradictions in his face, an undecisive set of features just like his character.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t like colors here much, I suppose.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Colors?” Hux turned his face towards you, and you noticed the freckles below his eyes fading into his pale skin through the cheekbones. “Who needs colors in a destroyer?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What a brash comment. He knows that you paint and he said that on purpose. And you here trying to start a civil conversation with this man. “You’re absolutely right. I do not have anything to say to that.” You spoke blinking slowly as if you were tired. You were not having another bickering, no. Turned around to watch stormtroopers carry your painting materials.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Be careful with those!” warned a soldier carrying a heavy metal box of paints and walked between them to check the small restroom. It had hints of navy blue compared to the general anthracite tone of black, a shower cabinet, a toilet and a sink of dark gray. You noticed the face in the mirror, and the woman looked exhausted. You opened the tap and put your hands together to create a pool and dived your face in it. Holding even small part of your face in the water gave you a refreshing feel. It was interrupted with a clanking sound in the hallway. “Damn it.” You spat. Went out to check what they dropped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should we tell princess?” You heard a stormtrooper asking, crouched down as he picked up something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You slid through the mountain of boxes and got to the corridor, to see a large amount of crimson acrylic paint leaked throughout the corridor, its can rocking back and forth at the distance, next to your brushes that seemed.. in pieces.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How the hell did this happen?” couldn’t help the raise in your voice, you picked up the set of now broken brushed from the floor and checked the hallway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kylo Ren, at the other end of the corridor stood there motionless, looking at you like nothing happened. Of course you couldn’t see his face but something told it. “What have you done, you striding trash bag!?” you snapped and immediatly regretted right after words escaped out of your lips. Ren took a few steps, his cape waving at his both sides resembling a predator, a puma approaching its lunch meal. Only sound was coming from his feet with slow pace. Even the stormtroopers were frozen. It sent shivers down to your spine as you didn’t know what to expect from this, from him. He tilted his head slightly down, to look at the brushes you guessed, and his gaze was back to you. With a quick gesture, he turned around without saying a word and walk out of your sight at the corner of the corridor. Finally could let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nice.” Hux’s voice had you shiver as he creeped from behind. “Something we have in common. I hate him, too.” He whispered in your ear and walked after where Kylo Ren went.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Back to your room, cracked set of brushes in your hand you stood looking at them. “Leave me alone.” You talked to the stormtroopers rushing to clean the mess and two of them seemed to be not listening. “I said, leave me alone!” you spat and they fleed out of the room immediately.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sat on the bed, tried to figure out how to fix the brushes. There were four broken into two pieces right from the middle, and three of them were cracked just at their hand that could still work. Your gaze wandered around the pile of clothing on top of the boxes. The fur-coats you thought you’de be wearing in the cold of Starkiller. You shook your head to sides closing your eyes as you exhaled through your nostrils. You didn’t feel like crying, shouting or doing anything at all. There was a numbness, a hollow that you didn’t know what to do with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If these would happen earlier in your life, you’d most probably be crying of sadness right now. Like a child, you wore your heart at your sleeve until experiencing the loss of your loved ones. You’d get easily upset over anything, be it the scratch on your new dress or the rejection from the boy you liked. Simple things would make you travel into a week of depression where you didn’t want to talk to anybody. After the loss of your father, things have changed. You couldn’t catch how fast you matured mentally in a month. Only realized this when you didn’t cry after your two years-old relationship ended because he said that he felt inferior against you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sweeping the past memories under the bed, you stood up walking towards the boxes to check the titles you’re written on top. Novels, novels, some vinyl records –call you an oldschool-, accessories, shoes, scents.. ah there it is. You picked up the shower gel and shampoo from the box as well as the body scrub and went bathroom to place them. Came back, searched for bathrobe this time among the boxes. Heard footsteps at the door and your heart skipped a beat as it approached.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was Captain Phasma, contrary to who you’ve been expecting. “Princess?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come in, please.” You spoke to the woman as she walked up to the center of the room. “I was just checking what I had put in these earlier.” You gave a crooked smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Woman in shiny armor took a look around and nodded. “You’ve brought the home with you, almost.” The smile on her voice was audible. “Why is nobody helping you with these?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They were actually. I just..needed some alone time.” As the words came out, she attempted to move.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, of course you do. Sorry I coul-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. Please come in. The stormtroopers were just all over the place. And they made a mess out there.” You showed the corridor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And on that. The reason why I came here was to see who got stabbed and dragged all the way.” Captain spoke, holding a laugther. You couldn’t help a chuckle and it made her let out a hearty one too. You two made a few jokes about it until she said that she needed to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nice that you’re here, Princess. Having another woman on board feels exhilarating. I mean, we have female generals but it’s not the same thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Got to confess, I was relieved when I first heard you speaking.” You giggled. “Not very professional behaviour of a princess, I guess?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well , we all have our out-of-mask moments, don’t we?” She remarked. Curiousity creeped through your mind. You wondered how she looked like under that mask. Was it just for the fashion, the signature look, or was it that she had a deformed face? Your thoughts interrupted as she took another step towards the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I were you, I’d get a good rest. Our meetings might be longer than you imagined.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Meeting?” eyebrows drew closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As per my information, you’ll be joining Supreme Council from now on.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I will. I just.. couldn’t have a proper time to talk about this with Hux.” You dived your hand back into the box of clothes to look for your bathrobe. “When is it, you were saying?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ll start gathering in two hours but don’t feel pressured. You newly arrived on board.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want to attend.” Chin up as you smiled confidently. “Oh, and the conference room is..?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Downstairs, at the right side of the bridge.” Phasma showed it with her hands like a fly-attendant showing the emergency exits. “See you there.” She waved out a peace sign as she got out of sight. Not so long after, you heard her voice from the hallway, very monotone that you’d doubt it was the same person you just had a chit-chat with. “Clean up this mess!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Would totally prefer an essence-soaked bath instead of the shower cabinet, however the water dripping down from your forehead down to your ankles made you feel it was dissolving the stress out of your body at the same time. White flowers-scented shampoo adding to it, made you feel like home, back in your garden passing through the smell of jasmine and ylang-ylang flowers next to eachother. You closed your eyes to let it take over you, fill you with the confidence of your femininity. Same vibes you were catching with the shower gel, scented the same mixture of white flowers as lilium, jasmine and ylang-ylang, as well as a hint of vanilla. It even made you sing a little song as you dressed and dried your hair with the appliance on the wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After braiding your hair loosely, you put on a light pink dress, not too casual but also not too much for a meeting, put back on the white opal stoned pendant your mother gave you and picked up a kitten heel slippers of pearly white, matching your necklace and the shimmering of your dress. Unnecessary details maybe, anyway you were kind of obsessed with the fitting no matter where you’re headed to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was time to find your makeup set through the boxes. Stirring a box full of cosmetics, you found a couple of things that will do. <em>I’ll need to save a day just for these</em>, you thought to yourself as you put out random eyeshadows, a mascara and an eye pencil. Your to-go make up fix that would suit every occasion. It was fun for you, spending time with your face, like painting on a canvas that already had some process, just the bring out the meanings and the beauties of it. That was what makeup meant to you. Not to cover something you have, but to bring it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After you were done with makeup, you sat back on the mattress, scanned the room as you tried to figure out where you would place all your stuff in here. Were you going to live here forever though? You didn’t know. Maybe it was for a permanent time before you moved to a city after things would be settled down within the First Order? Maybe you should not move cling to this room after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the time approached, you walked out of your room, coming across a duo of stormtroopers cleaning the red paint stains on the corridor. “You can resume your work inside.” Spoke softly remembering the earlier bitter approach of yours. One of them nodded, kind of anxious you could mark as, even though he –or she- had a mask on. Let a smile capture your face as your turned on your heel and walked throughout the corridor, heels clanking the dark floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You passed a crossroad, the best you could remember to reach the stairs. Noticed the lighting on the ceiling was rather dim crimson here, making it almost hard to see. You went on walking for a little hesitantly as this way didn’t seem to be leading to the stairs from your memory, but somewhere else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You stood there for a second motionless as you recalled the scene before your eyes. This corridor was the one from your dream on your way here. The one that you followed an apple within. The corridor did in fact had an end, a wide metal door at a long threshold, some buttons on the right that seemed like an alarm system. Something inside you urged you to try to open it, knock on the door and see for yourself but you swept it right away. You didn’t want another scold of your husband.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Right as you were thinking about him, Hux appeared at the corner of the corridor. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I was looking for you. Come, meeting is about to start.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You held the hand he offered as Hux led you back to the crossroad you passed by. While you were turning to the right, you heard the metallic sound of the door that you had stood in front of a minute ago. “What is that room for?” you asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That one?” Hux’s eyebrows raised as you stepped downstairs. He let out a naughty chuckle. “It’s where we put the striding trash bags.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In confusion, you stopped looking at him for a second. Realizing the reference Hux made, you couldn’t help a snort escaping through your nose. “I probably shouldn’t have said that, though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, you should not.” Hux’s eyes widened. “Just try not to get yourself killed, that’s fine.” He leaned right before extending his hand forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As you stepped in the conference room, noticed the heads perked up at once and smile replaced the senseless look on the faces. They welcomed you with a nod, a sincere smile and words as you walked over to the chair in front of you. Hux sat next to you, introducing the others that sat on your right. You nodded politely one by one as the order circled and ended on the person opposite you. He joked that you were likely to forget about all these names and you replied with a chuckle of relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The large room was also dark, maybe the darkest you’ve ever seen, marble floor so shiny that is reflecting as good as a mirror, a broad window on the left that you could see the stars, the ships flying around with ease that seemed like TIE fighters and the endless night. Heavy footsteps in the hallway caught your attention. They were rushed and confident at the same time, also alarming as they approached.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Behind you, heard the stomping sound of a pair of boots, drawing to the back left and there they paused. You dared to look at the direction to see Kylo Ren, standing without a motion despite his cape waving from the fast pace he took, his gaze digging into your skin even though you could not see anything from the dark hollow in the middle of his mask. A cold shiver climbed upon your back to your neck as you recalled Hux’s words. <em>Just try not to get yourself killed. </em>There was no need for a warning like that when it came to Kylo Ren, the magnificent Sith lord, the heir of Darth Vader. The faceless man everybody feared throughout the galaxy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dark knight stood at the end of the table his back turned towards the table as he spoke. His hand curled into fists at his both sides, his posture slightly curved forwards as he breathed heavily. “We’re losing our dominance within the galaxy.” His voice smooth like velvet, thrilling as he spoke. Turning around halfly, he looked up to the elder man sitting at the right of you. “Do you have an explanation, Quinn?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The bald man stared at the middle of the table before speaking like he found the answer there. “Commander Ren, the participations we have with the government has no—arrgh!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Quinn’s sentence was cut as his face got bright red, eyes swollen like they were about to pop out of the sockets, his own hands reaching up to his throat as if he was trying to stop his pain. It took a good ten seconds before you realized what caused him this pain as your eyes darted over Kylo Ren, who held his one hand up to where Quinn sat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You heart being squeezed at your chest, lungs heavy with fear as your gaze skipped from one attendant to another around the table, just to see them staring down, accepting what was happening in front of them. An urge swam through your throat, to shout, to make him stop whatever he was doing. Another urge, told you to shut your mouth and wait until it ended. You realized that you were going for the first option as Hux looked at you and raised his eyebrows slowly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop!” was what left your mouth, a little loud under the silence of the room except the noises came from General Quinn. Those noises ended right away, leaving you in discomfort instead of relief. Eyes stuck on the white linings at the middle of the table, you felt a cold shower of fright down your spine. For what seemed like a few minutes straight, though you knew you lost track of time, you didn’t even dare to move a muscle, breathing only enough to survive. As nothing similar happened to you as happened to Quinn, you perked your head up to the left to take a look at Kylo Ren, whose gaze was towards either you or Quinn since you sat next to eachother. Apologize. A voice in your head. Wait. Came another. You couldn’t decide what to do and sat there, sweat tickling your scalp, hands clenched together for the pathetic purpose of looking reliant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your concern for others might get you in trouble, princess. Take this as a sincere advice.” His words glided in the thick air of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A sincere advice has never seemed so terrifying, you felt your neck stiffer than ever, even questioned if Kylo Ren was doing something to you too. But it was pure horror, an unexpected, undeniable horror that you couldn’t easily shake off till the end of the meeting. The conversations went on, circling about the failures, the claimings of the attendants of the council you heard like from behind a wall, as if your ears were stuffed. The tension rose up a few times, you concluded this from the shaken expressions you came across while your gaze wandered around table, avoiding only one attendant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dismissed.” Came the words of Hux, who stood up leaving you in relief. You realized that you’ve never wanted to follow after someone before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did he do to General Quinn?” you breathed after making sure you were distanced away from the conference room now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should’ve made it more clear for you when I told you to be careful with him.” Hux spoke, his posture seemed straighter than it usually was. “Ren has supernatural powers. Whatever you’ve heard about Darth Vader so far also applies to him. Everyday is like walking in a minefield.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The worst part was that they were accepting their fate. Something told them to shut their mouth closed when one of them were boing tormented by Kylo Ren, it forced them to ignore the whimpers of their colleague. This seemed more cruel than him choking one of the generals to death. And it was now scarier than you thought as you came to the realization that he was indeed the most powerful man in the galaxy and everybody knew it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Coming into your room was peaceful after all this. You closed the door and leaned your back to it, eyes closed and you let out a long exhale. You were feeling better now, with the last traces of fear was leaving your system.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A knock on the door made you jump out of your mind, hesitating to open it. You gulped and pressed onto the red button anyway. A stormtrooper greeted you with a nod. “Brought you some fruits, your highness.” He extended a bowl of fruits and you received it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” You smiled halfly to the soldier as you closed the door and you realized that you haven’t eaten anything since the afternoon. The grumble of your stomach reminded you this as you walked up to your mattress and placed the bowl on the top of the commode. Your eyes stuck on the leather wrapped in a roll right next to it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Where did this come from</em>, you thought to yourself as you examined it in your hand. It was tightly linked with a black string of leather that you could not achieve to untie, so you used the knife that came with the fruit bowl and cut it after a few seconds of sawing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a brush set, slightly used as it had blueish black stains at the wooden grip. There was five, each had different type, a bold one, one side-angled, two medium sized ones that are respectively similar and one thin brush.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Heard a knock on the door. Again. “Come in!” you shouted. Hux came in, something in his hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Forgot to give you this.” He approached showing the mechanism in his hand. “You might need to set an alarm for 0700 for the breakfast time. Most of us prefer to have breakfast in the quarters,though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where did you get these?” You showed the brushes to him perking up one brow, a wicked smile on your lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hux looked at the brushes and back to you with a blank expression. “I did not?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“These were here on top of the commode, you didn’t put them there?” you asked, insisting so Hux would tell it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No? I have no information of anything in here.” His eyes scanned the room and got back to the clock. “There you go.” He placed the clock on top of the commode. “Might as well call for the serving droids for breakfast. Again, it goes for one hour so be awake before 0800 at least.” He explained at once and left the room.You turned back to the commode, eyes on the brush set as you tried to remember if you’ve invested any brushes other than the ones were now broken into-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There it was. The creeping found its place back on your neck as the image of the dark knight came into your mind. A strong feeling told you that it was him, left these brushes to you as a… gift? An apology for stomping on your brushes relentlessly? Either way it was not something that a man like him would do. You searched for the other options of who could have brought these brushes to here but were left with no alternative. A kind gesture, if so. However, it did nothing to scare you for more for some reason.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kylo Ren was in your room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok, so. Idk about this time thing. Read a couple of fanfics where the time was announced in xx00 format so thought it could be canon, no? <br/>Man, Hux is a punk ass bitch now, ain't he? Anyway, we love a problematic husband.<br/>Not gonna talk too much. Hope you enjoy this chapter. <br/>The next one will have some smutty scenes (even though I know it will suck because I have NEVER written a smut scene). <br/>Leave your thoughts, pweaase? ^-^<br/>Stay safe and healthy! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Red and Black</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You shouldn't have thought of that mask. Not in that moment. Now it is haunting you and everytime you come across him, you feel something else attached to fear, something that you shouldn't. And it seems he's aware of this, too.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What am I, 45?” you asked the man, eyes observing you in approval as his arms crossed on his chest. Hux has been all up in your business since the arrival on the destroyer, that being more than three weeks. From the way you spoke to the way you dressed, he had always something to say about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In some ways he had a point. Like especially when he told you to not interract with Kylo Ren as he could read minds. Some important information was grasped out of your memory by the dark knight and this led Hux to seem downgraded in the eyes of the Supreme Leader. From then on, you paid attention to what you’ve been thinking when Kylo Ren was around, which was very often as you were a part of the Supreme Council now, and it gave you headaches after being stalling your brain with unnecessary stuff so much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Other than this, Hux had no business to stick his nose into what you wore. Then again, he did bringing you a large luggage of new dresses. You couldn’t help a gasp escaping your mouth as you opened the luggage, but then a frown found its place on your forehead as you put out the dark, gloomy dresses one by one on the mattress.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The colors you’ve been wearing are too bright in a community like First Order. Too eye-catching.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If we had a real relationship, I’d assume that you’re just being jealous right now.” You commented, lips curled up a smirk. As much as you hated being restricted, you kind of liked the idea of someone, a guy in particular, being jealous about you. However it didn’t take too much time after this for you to find out Hux held nothing near a jealousy over you. That in fact he did not care. It was just his obsession with the rules.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was late at night as you felt something new was building up inside of you. And you pondered as you observed the wedding ring on your finger, body soaked in the new bath tub next to the massive window that you splitted it from the rest of the room with a partition. The decoration of the whole room was changed to your liking after a night passed with bickering of Hux. <em>This is a flagship, not your palace</em>. Despite his untasteful approach, he was convinced after you telling him that this was going to be your home for the rest of your life, and you needed something to hold onto. So you picked up a chaise lounge of dark purple velvet, long green curtains of silky fabric, a floor lamp with an orange covering and a table across the room and filled the room with colors you liked the most.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your hand twirled among the bubbles of the bathfoam as you brought a conclusion to your emotions in your head. Put that on the months passed without a tender touch, a proper kiss or something further, you craved affection, the need to be loved, to be cared about. And you knew damn well that it wasn’t about Hux. It didn’t matter if you had no feelings towards him nor he did towards you. A sigh of frustration left your chest as you took another gulp of your drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alcohol was something you just couldn’t get good at consuming. It was either none or all the way in and this time it was the latter. And now it was showing. You got dressed sloppily, hair still wet on your shoulders, found yourself on the floor once but you managed to find the door mechanism to leave your room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Holding the walls under your right palm, you squeezed your eyes to find out which way to go. You put out your pointing finger as you tried to remember where Hux’s room was as if you were also showing it to somebody. You were alone in the hallway, though. At least that was what you thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Princess?” a deep voice came to your ears but you couldn’t find the source easily. Turning around sharply, a mistake you made as the vision got worse, you tried to grab onto the dark silhouette in front of you, somewhere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’s my husband?” you held the face of the silhouette, felt it cold under your palm. You tapped on it as you repeated the question but your voice louder this time. And you suddenly felt something on your lips to silence you, a cold touch, rather stiffer than the feel of actual fingers. Eyes halfly open, your lips parted as your tongue dared to escape, a slick feel on it. You were not aware of what you were doing. <em>Too much booze</em>. You thought to yourself as you lowered your hand to search for an evidence of your husband. Finding a body under your palm hard as a rock but warm to your surprise. Only answer you could receive was the broading movement under your palm and a heavy breathing that sounded like coming from behind a filter. <em>Is this a droid?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where is he?” you repeated the question for the third time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hux is not here, princess. Let me guide you to your room.” The deep voice spoke again, leading you to walk to a direction you couldn’t quiet see where it led.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let go!” you shouted as your mouth escaped from the captivity. “Punk ass robot. I know where I’m going.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not so long after another voice added to your whinings. “What is she doing here?” A nasal voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My beloved husband!” you cheered, a little too loud probably and hands exchanged you. Hux grabbed you by the waist and put your one arm on his shoulder. You held onto him and placed a kiss on somewhere on his face. One hand tangled in his hair sloppily and he drew his head back away from your touch. You heard him murmur something about the disorderness and embarrasment as he walked you throughout the corridor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you have to drink this much?” Hux complained while he sat you on your mattress. “… not what I would expect from you… carrying my name now… a princess… royalty…” Most of his words were gone missing in your ears as he spoke passionately about the rules. But you were distracted by your hormones. How long has it been the last time you felt a man between your arms? In a way that is more than friendly, more intimate? Who were to tell you that you must behave because you were coming from royalty? Who were to judge your desires, the ending need of affection?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Between the serious speech of Hux, you pushed yourself against him, your lips finding his after seconds of struggling. Your head dizzy, both from the booze and the need to be satisfied. Yes. You needed your toes curled, your body to be released out of stress you’ve had since coming here. And Hux was the one to give it to you. He was your husband after all. Even though neither him nor you had feelings towards eachother, you didn’t care.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What—what ar-” His words were cut by your aggressive kiss, and you were all up on him now. Pushing him back onto your mattress, you found your balance hardly as you climbed on him. Knees at both sides of his hips as you struggled on his shirt. But he was resisting, pushing your hands away which made you nothing but more aggressive on touching him. Hux stood up grabbing you from your forearm and he led you stumbling through the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You better get yourself together now.” You were in front of the sink as Hux bend you over, not in the fashion you imagined him to do, but to wash your face. “Not going to deal with your stupid games.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What games?” you snapped, pushing your hips back at him, turning around to see his bitter expression like he just ate a lemon. “Stop!” you tried to rescue you wrists of his captivity. Why was it so hard for him to understand?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The other day you’re coming to my room to tease me and then going on your way like nothing happened. You think I’m a fucking toy?” He leaned in hissing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was right. A few days ago you’ve checked Hux while he was working with some machinery plans that you didn’t understand. He was concentrated on whatever he’s been pondering as you massaged his shoulders and attempted to sit on his lap. He welcomed this move of yours and waited for whatever you’ve got in store for him. So did you, grinded on his lap as he brushed your thighs, eyes locked on yours. It took one sentence to turn you off, though he still didn’t understand it. <em>Giving up all you got for your family name, huh?</em> That was the reason why you got off of him, picked yourself up and left him with an aching boner. <em>This is not a real marriage, brush that off of your mind immediately</em>, you reminded him his words as you went on your way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But tonight, it was different. You didn’t care if he was being disrespectful at the moment. Actually you would even like it a little bit if he was. It was your hunger that drove you, an emotion that had no trace of rationality. You just wanted him to fuck you so good to the point that you would forget about him and his irritating behaviours. Funny that he was both the pain, and like what seemed now, was the cure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Forget what I said, now.” You tied your arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. A strand of copper hair falling down to his cheekbones as he breathed heavily, wild eyes scanning your face as you closed the distance between your bodies. He put his hands on both sides of your hips that made you shiver with a smile across your face. Smile turned into a frown as he pushed you back and got out of your captive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the hell!” followed him with fast steps as he walked up to the threshold. “Are you gay?” you shouted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One step away from exitting the door, Hux turned back, closing the door by the mechanism at the right and approached you with a rather slow pace. His jaw clenched, his eyes bright with fury. “I’m gay now because I reject you? What kind of narcissism is this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then why? I don’t understand!” You shouted back, feeling the crack in your voice. One other hurting word and you could find yourself sobbing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just because you are a princess does not mean that everybody around you is there to serve your needs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There it was. Like a smack across your face. Something you’ve been familiar with through your whole life. Your past relationships were ended all because of the royalty that you didn’t choose to be born within. The shadow of a thought passed through your mind for a moment as you felt your eyes watering. Was it your fault, indeed? Did you act conceited towards the men in your life, without being aware of it?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry for being a woman that speaks her mind. I should’ve just stood here and there without a word until you realize that I exist.” You held back your tears as you walked towards the window. “I don’t give a damn about what you think. I have needs. And I am your wife. Do something about it.” You spat the last words, surprising yourself with the unemotional way you chose. To your surprise again, it did something to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A thudding sound on the mattress, your gaze met Hux’s as you turned to the source, who was unbuttoning his shirt, cocked his head to one side to call you over. You felt your heart stuck at your throat despite the drunken haze you were still in as he licked his lower lip, eyes scanning your body. His stare stuck on your chest, light green dress still soaked in water revealing your breasts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something tingled within your belly and without wasting another second, you sat on his lap as your hands tried to unbutton his shirt. His lips crushed against yours as his one hand on your back and the other hand worked for releasing his already built erection. His eager tongue entered your mouth as his hand on your back lowered and grabbed on your ass tightly. You got impatient with the shirt and yanked the hems to opposite side, buttons sprinkling onto the floor. Hux cut the kissing and looked around. “Oh. Those will-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shh.. focus on me.” You grinded your hips against him as you tried to pull the dress out of your upper body supporting your balance with your knees on the mattress. Hux went for your panties and slid it down to your knees. You felt his length, hot and sticky against your skin already throbbing for release. Your throbbing was no any less than that as his mouth feverishly searched for your nipples. “Shit, help me out here.” You whipered, your head stuck within the skirts of your dress.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a quick movement of his hand, you were released from your dress, completely naked and already wet. His mouth found one nipple again suckling, his breath heavy against your chest almost dripping sweat on your skin. His hands grabbed your waist and he held you up for shorter than a second just to slam his length into your slick entrance. You couldn’t help a yelp escaping your throat and it only drove him further. You held his upper arms, felt the flexing muscles under your grip. He was like an animal having a feast after a long time of starvation. It was the same with you too, so you adjusted your movement to his sharp thrusts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“F-fuck!” Hux layed on his back as his hands squeezed your hips tighter to drove himself deeper into you. “Can’t b-believe what I’ve been missing. Shit!” He got frustrated, flipped you on the bed now he was on top of you. Your hands on his shoulder and neck, pulling him closer to you, nails dug into his skin out of your intention while he was tearing your ass up. Flaming eyes stuck into yours, face shaken, sweat shining on his cheekbones. His grips tight on your waist, he was destructive, his thrusts were savage like he was pouring his anger on you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You were at a midpoint, being torn apart between pain and pleasure, like both ends were pulling you to one side. It was a battle of two senses, keeping you numb and cold and you felt your climax struggling between them, trying to find its way out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop m-making that face.” You muttered between your breaths.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop –fuck-  giving me orders. I am th-e commander here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then com- mand your face. It’s turning me off.” you breathed between your panting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hux’s face was reddened, making an o with his mouth as his brows raised upwards like he was about to burst into tears. You wished that you weren’t being affected by the little things in life this much. One single word, one look was enough to change your mood for the worst. And it was his face now. You wished that he’d be wearing a mask at the moment. A black one in particular.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You couldn’t help that one image show up in your mind. You closed your eyes as your hand slid down into your pussy. Rubbing the hood, you bit your bottom lip to hold back a whimper. “Mmmpph.” You exhaled as your legs tightened around his waist. One hand massaging your breast as the other stroked your clit slowly. “Yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time his pace was slowing down, you felt your walls clenching aroud his dick, a cold feeling climbing up from your vulva to your chest, breath stuck at your throat as your body trembled. You felt Hux’s dick throbbing against your walls, cum dripping warm inside of you as he groaned and layed on top of you lifeless. “Fuck.. Oh fuck!” words left your mouth, your hands yanking the sheets as you climbed upon your climax. A wail gone missing at your throat as you opened your eyes, mouth stuck open as your body struggled under his. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After regaining your breath you came to your senses and pushed Hux off of your body to the side. He let out a groan that said he was set to sleep. You laid there for a while eyes on the ceiling, let your hands wander upon your body as you smiled to yourself. You loved your body. And you were feeling thankful for it. For that you were able to feel these incredible senses. For that you understood its language better than anybody else did. For that it was keeping up with the stimulations you made in your brain, sometimes cheeky, sometimes nasty. And sometimes guilty stimulations like this one time, that you figured out later in the morning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You woke up with a headache, Hux loud next to you, snarling something as he got out of the bed and wore his clothings. You wrapped yourself within the sheets like it was a dress and walked over the bathroom to drink some water from the tap. Washed your face as the sheets fell on the floor and you picked them back up sloppily walked back to the mattress. Glanced Hux at the door talking to somebody nervously. The door was nearly closed, however had an opening in the middle enough to see through the corridor so you picked up your panties and your dress and tiptoed your way back to the bathroom. Something caught your attention by the corner of your eye and you couldn’t help but took a glimpse towards the corridor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A dark massive shadow. It was Kylo Ren who Hux was talking to. After the visualization you made last night, the presence of him made you feel like you were stabbed in your belly. And him turning his head up to you sharply twirled the knife within.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You rushed to the bathroom, locked the door trying to maintain your breath. “Stupid!” you hissed to yourself, throwing the sheets on the floor sluggishly putting your panties and your dress on. He could sense things, read minds if he wanted to. <em>Did he- Oh God</em>! You opened the tap, to silence your thoughts and escape from reality. Brushed some water onto your temporals, your neck and your cleavage. You put your both hands on the sides of the sink and breathed regularly to ease your mind. <em>They have some serious issue to resolve, and Kylo Ren probably didn’t even notice me until I moved. Yes.</em> You nodded while looking into the mirror, you gathered yourself up and turned the doorknob after you heard the closing sound of the outer door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You were relieved for being alone in the room. Took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as you walked towards the wardrope. The alarm rang in the silence and you squeaked, your hand on your chest. Your heart felt like it was walking on a thin line. <em>Better stay indoors today.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>You ordered breakfast through the mechanism on the wall above the mattress, changed the sheets, putting the dirties within the laundry chute. Took a quick shower, wrapped yourself around the comfy bathrobe and put on a music on your vinyl player. Some soothing instrumental music that you are used to from the balls in Cantonica would be helpful to give your mind a peace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Had your breakfast on the table, displaying the magazines about latest trends in home decoration, fashion and makeup styles. Your eyes wandered around the pages uninterested till something similar caught your attention. It was the addition and among some other rumors it had your wedding photo with Hux at the corner, under the title <em>Happily Ever After</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You couldn’t help a snort escape your nostrils, but tears tickling in the back of your eyes. Gaze drifted away, to the void and to the furnitures you bought for the room. The chaise lounge, curtains, the lamp that seemed to be turned on most of the time because there was never enough light into the room. All of these were irrelevant, like having a curtain in a place that had no proper daylight, let sunlight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You put on a loose dress as you tried to acknowledge your emotions. Having sex with Hux didn’t help either. Thought you’d feel completed if you gave in to your insticts and let him have his way with you. On the contrary what you expected that you’d be feeling now, you were left with a greater hollow inside, like last night something was grasped from you. You didn’t believe that one dick would solve all of your problems like a snap of fingers of course, but maybe it would resolve the things in your marriage. A touch, a kiss could create a sympathy between two strangers. That was what you believed. Seemingly it was not enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead of sitting there and feeding the blues with your endless thinking, you pulled out the canvas you were working on lately, sunset at a Canto Bight beach. The bay lit under the orange layer of the sun, embraced with the violet sky, lights of the casino flickering in the distance. Vibrant and full of life. You added more flickers to the sides to make the complex look broader than it already was. Dark silhouettes on the beach taking a walk, some were jogging probably. Water still as a newly put sheet, tones of purple, orange and blue fighting for dominance. Thought of adding a few speeders in the water, around the pier that extended to the right above the sea. You illustrated it first before putting any stroke on the canvas, your hand circulates hesitatingly. Couldn’t decide how a sea skiff or a skimmer looked like in your mind. You tried to remember the last time you got on a water vehicle and toured around the bay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Right when you thought a wave of blues were about to hit you as your soul wandered among the memories of your life in Cantonica, a knock on the door brought you back to the destroyer. You stood up, fixing your dress as you walked to the door. Pressed the open button, brush on the other hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Captain!” you cheered at the lady in armor standing before you. She was back from the battle, invasion or whatever they called it. “Come in, won’t you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So did Phasma, in tired steps she walked inside and sat on the chaise lounge. “So, how did it go?” you asked, kind of halted as you sat next to her and pulled your painting materials aside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve messed it up. There’s a tratior found within the army. Helping the rebels.” Her words came out rather like they were pushed, a very strange kind of tone for Captain Phasma. “I don’t understand how- like I’ve got my eyes on them all the time. And I didn’t become responsible for the training of the units yesterday. I’ve been doing this thing for years. How!?” The frustration of her silenced you. You didn’t know what to tell her so that she would feel better. You didn’t know a damn thing about the structure of the Supremacy, both the main vessel you were in and the other name organization of First Order.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“First Order has its hands all over the galaxy. The quantity of the units even within this ship is pretty high. I mean, all these units…” either you were just blathering or Phasma was exhausted, she put her two hands on the both sides of her helmet. It took you a few seconds to realize she was.. taking it off!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A golden curtain fell on her cheekbones as Phasma took off her mask, a pair of blue eyes on a milky skin followed. <em>Wow</em>. She was a piece of art. You looked so stupid probably that she let out a smile grown upon her lips as she blinked slowly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Excuse my reaction. All these times we were talking, I thought you’d look- I mean, you have a lovely face.” You explained shyly. It was difficult to compliment to a lady in an armor that made her look like a death machine. Despite the weeks passed by with you having a chit-chat, that happened not so often but still you were both comfortable with eachother, you didn’t know what her reaction would be to you saying that she was pretty. You would expect a more masculine face with a rectangular shape, a big nose maybe. But Phasma was totally a pretty woman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay, I understand. Not many has seen my face but every first time somebody sees it, either they say similar things to me or react the same way you did. Like they were expecting a rathar or something to come out of this helmet.” She laughed shortly but a frown showed up right after as her gaze turned down onto the floor. You walked back to the table to pick up the bottle of whiskey and poured some into two glasses. You extended one to Phasma as you sat back on the chaise lounge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll be excluded of the operations for a while.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because of one traitor? What about the others? The army is not just on you, after all.” You claimed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It is what our Supreme Leader says. One fault is enough for him. Not a word over his, so.” She took a large gulp of the drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That musty Dor Namethian looking prick!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pfffttt..” Phasma spilled the drink all over the floor and started chuckling. You gulped little by little as you could maintain your laughter and wiped the spilled drink out of your chin with the sleeves of the dress.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve heard once somebody called him a mashed potato.” She spoke between her snickering.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my!” you closed your mouth with one hand and then it reached for the empty glass Phasma was holding. “Let me.. let me refill it.” You hardly talked between the cramps in your belly that you gained from laughing and Phasma nodded, tears in her eyes as she extended the glass. You crouched down halfly on your way to the table as you thought you wouldn’t make it there without peeing yourself but thankfully you achieved without spilling anything else. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You extended the full glass to Phasma as you sat back. “Mashed potato. Very relevant.” Smiled as you brought the glass up your mouth and took a sip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think it was Ren, yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kylo Ren said that?” you asked unbelievingly after gulping down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. It was him. I remember now how mad he was after being grounded over some… some disfunction he was responsible of and.. oh stars! He was very serious saying that. It was hilarious!” She took another gulp of her drink and finished it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you for the drink. Oh and most importantly for the laughters. It’s been years maybe that I didn’t laugh like this.” She stood up and put the glass on top of commode as it was the nearest surface.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s been a long time for me without a good laughter like this too.” You admitted as you stood up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No need.” She wanted to stop you as you walked beside her. It was a habit of you again. Something you’ve learned growing up. Walking the guests as they were leaving. You knitted your brows meaning it was nothing as she put back her mask and walked out of the room. You were back with yourself again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Took another glass of whiskey as you checked the vinyl player to find out it was stuck, a deformation was visible at the tip of its needle. <em>Must have replaced this part when I had the chance</em>. You thought to yourself, brows knitted. But you could arrange something with the help of a droid, maybe? They were capable of many things when it came to repairing. Why not repair a vinyl player? Also you didn’t want to continue painting under the eternal silence of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Put down the empty glass, and separated the needle part from the tip. You felt the alcohol already kicking in as you searched for the button to call the cleaning service and walked out of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your feet light, you paced throughout the corridor that led to the stairs. A crowd of soldiers were approaching from the other corner but you were too late to react as you were a little tipsy, smiled as you observed the needle part you put on your finger like a ring. Your gaze went upwards when a load of shadows blacked your sight contrast to the white armoured stormtroppers pacing up and down the hallway. They stopped until there was one meter of distance between you and their leader.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was the Knights of Ren as how they’ve been known, and Kylo Ren standing right in front of them. Despite his eyes were invisible, you looked through the black void of his helmet again, and in contrary to what you’d normally feel when you saw him, a staggering fear, you felt something else, a tingling in your belly. <em>How many drinks did I have?</em> You put that on alcohol again though you knew damn well that it wasn’t that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The broad figure swayed on his side, so did the others in a synchronized move, leaving you space to pass through the corridor. His gaze was still on you judging from the angle of his head, he held out his hand as if leading you. And you passed by them, nodding before getting out of their sight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Took the elevators to get down to the lowest floor, to find some techician maybe to help with repairing the part. Or at least they would suggest you where to go since you didn’t know anywhere else other than a few rooms in this damned ship even though it’s been weeks now. Some stormtroopers greeted you with a nod as you walked past them in the corridor. You didn’t know where you were going and in fact you didn’t care. The hallway led to a well illuminated saloon, the dining hall. It was empty, however you heard some chuckling from the back, so you walked through the back corridor which and pushed the inside door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was five, no, seven of them stting around a table. Kids who seemed as aged around ten or eleven stood at the sides of their two friends who were playing holo-chess game. Players were silent, serious expression on one as you could see his face while the others were loud and energetic, cheering for their friends. One of the viewers noticed you and warned his friends immediately, they rushed to stand up in line while one of them turned the game off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please keep playing, I’ll just watch here.” You sat on a chair nearby and smiled at them while they looked at eachother in hesitation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But princess, it is-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is an order, keep playing.” You joked and winked at the end to the one who spoke. Boys gathered around the table and turned the game on smiling at eachother with wide eyes and glimpsing at you shyly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You watched them play Dejarik as you picked up a blue milk from the fridge. One of them rushed to serve the milk himself but you stopped him saying that you were not that type of princess who gave orders and watched the heads being hung. He explained that this was their life, from their birth, they were serving First Order the best they could, about cleaning, serving food and some of them were even helping the tech-crew for the knowledge they had. His name was Steve. You told him your name but he insisted you to call you princess as how everybody else did. You shrugged and pat on his shoulder. “However you like, Stevie.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another one named Harry approached you hesitantly, seeming as if he didn’t want to lead to any disrespect. He asked you about your life as a princess while the others kept playing. You talked about your life in general, your garden, your paintings and your books. Harry was shocked that you didn’t sit on a throne all day like a statue. he was happy that you could get to read books unlike them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Spending some time with kids filled you with joy. It eased your mind to joke around with them, to listen to the stories they knew about Yavin war, Jedi Knights and Siths. Some were mistaken but you didn’t stand on that. You asked them what they wanted to be in the future. Harry said that he wanted to be a pilot so he could see the stars from a closed distance. Yousef said that he wanted to become the head of the tech-crew so that he’d take action faster than the ones now. Steve said that he wanted to be a commander like Kylo Ren.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Or Armitage Hux..” you joked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve smiled shyly. “I like his clothes. All black.” He explained passionately. “I want to dress like him one day. Long cape and boots. Oh, also I like his mask. It is so cool.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, right.” You exhaled, your eyes squinted as you shook off the scenes out of your head. You stood up, ready to go. Saw their faces fallen as you told them that you needed to leave. Promised to come back soon and bring them some books to read. They cheered from your back and you giggled to yourself as you walked out of the dining hall. “P-rin-cess! P-rin-cess! P-rin-cess!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You followed the corridor where it led to the entrance hall, stormtroopers stopping and looking at you and going back to their pace, a few pilot nearby a TIE fighter having a fun conversation, their laughters mixing eachother. One of them noticed you and eyed you to his friends. They looked up and down at you slyly. One of them leaned in closer to his friends and all of them turned back to you with a shameless laughter. You felt sick in the stomach, rushed forwards to the other side of the corridor to get out of their sight. <em>They are the one to feel ashamed and yet.</em> Passed through the hallway that was illuminated by blue neon linings as a stormtrooper stepped aside to give you space in front of the automatic door. The doors were working properly, however by a reason you couldn’t grasp, you managed to bump into it. No but doors didn’t have hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You were distracted by the embarrasment that you didn’t realize indeed the door was open and you bumped right into Kylo Ren, whose hands were on your upper arms, his massive figure towering you, only motion his broading chest under your palms as he slowly breathed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You pulled your hands away and stepped back to get away from him. But he didn’t move away for you to walk through. His mask tilted up and down slightly as if he was scanning your body. Blood rushed through your neck, your ears were probably red. Wanted to disappear into dust. Seemingly, the loose dress you were wearing was a bad choice to be in walking around a ship filled with mostly men. But you couldn’t move either. Was he force-freezing you or something?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have a feeling that you are following me, princess.” He spoke, his voice husky and deep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why, I was going to say the same thing, commander.” You breathed the words to keep the stupid argument going because you just didn’t know what else to do. And he was still standing in the way. You couldn’t help but wonder what he looked like under that mask. Phasma has revealed her face and now there was Kylo Ren whom face you’ve never seen. Was he ugly or good-looking? Did he have scars and disorder like Supreme Leader did? Was he old? Your internal questioning was cut as he approached and leaned into your ear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t think about it too much.” He whispered and even though there was a metal in front of his mouth, you swore that you felt his breath on your skin. And it creeped through your neck and spreaded all over your back. He walked past you with a smooth step and went on his way. <em>Hell, he heard me.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Feeling stuck, you couldn’t help but watch him stomp his way further as you felt rage building up inside of you. You got frustrated. <em>Can’t find a peace of mind, nowhere!</em> Marched over the elevators to go back to your room, crawl into your bed and watch a movie on your datapad maybe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To you chance, or bad luck to say better, you came across Hux who was scolding two stormtroopers in the hallway. You didn’t want to cross his fire so you sweeped your feet to your room. He came after a few minutes as he was done with the soldiers, closing the door behind him. “What is that dress?” he cocked his head, jaw clenched.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh, now it’s my turn?” you turned back to him halfly as you kept replacing your painting stuff in the space between the table and the wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t get smart with me, woman! We’ve talked about this!” he approached, his voice however well maintained on the contrary to usual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes! We’ve had this before!” you snapped. “And I’m sick of you bringing it up back. I’ve told you clearly that I’ll wear what I please but you don’t seem to understand.” You were breathless from the long sentence but you would rather choke on air to stay silent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Watch your tone.” Hux approached.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All this time you were the loud one. Here I am just making myself clear and you’re disturbed? Let me tell you what, I’m not one of your stormtroopers out there that you can scold and then act like nothing happened the next day. And I, saying for once again, take no orders from nobody. Including you. Just because we’ve fucked once does not make you my master! Take it into your head!” you pointed your index finger up to his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hux grasped your hand and twirled it in the back of your waist, other hand catching your chin squeezing until your cheeks were hurt between his hand and your teeth. “And I am making myself clear once again. Don’t.. wear.. these.. dresses.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Arr—ahh.” You struggled to get out of his captive and he released you. Catching your breath you rubbed your hurting cheek. “Are you threathening me?” your eyes squinted as you asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. I’m just warning. It’s up to you to follow the rules or not.” Hux put a fake smile on his face that you wanted to smack off with the rest of his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The rules? The ones you made up out of your mind? Uh, I don’t think you’re in charge for making the rules around here. You are no Supreme Leader or anything?” you teased,with a similar fake smile on your face. <em>Two can play this game</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hux stepped forward, hand grasping your chin agressively, bringing your face closer to his. “I am no Supreme Leader. Not yet.” He leaned closer now he was whispering. “But when the time comes, you better be still around to see it. Wouldn’t want to miss your husband ruling over the galaxy now, would you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Scary</em>. Whatever you’ve seen in his eyes before when he was furious was nothing compared to this. He let go of you, turned around and walked outside of the room with a straight posture that he always seemed to be holding. But what you saw in his eyes was wilder than anything you’ve ever seen in your life. His words. Speaking of ruling the galaxy. You could see the determination and belief in his eyes and whatever laid behind them was ugly, that you couldn’t name yet. However clear enough for you to settle down a bit, go change into a more proper dress, blueish black gown that he brought you. It was not clever to push things afar now. He’d soon forget about it again as he did before and move on eventually. You were sure that wearing of the dresses he picked up for you for a while was enough. However you were wrong by thinking that it would work out like that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One of the following days you walked down to the dining hall to see the kids and bring them the books you promised. One for everybody. You were glad that you had such respect to the past memories and still kept your childhood books. Now they would be out to be useful after being under the dust all these years. They greeted you with such joy, hugged you one by one as they turned the pages of the books randomly to observe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you so much, princess!” one hollered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, princess. I didn’t think you’d really bring us books.” Harry stated. “I mean, we are not used to things like this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your heart was broken into pieces. Children were your soft spot and every little thing that upset them always had you feeling sad. you wanted to erase it from their faces. These kids were probably taken away from their families at birth or when they were just babies and none of them remembered their parents. “I can bring you things for painting, too. Some paper and some colored pencils. I think I also have brought some sharpies.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Princess, you can draw anything right?” Steve asked his voice thrilled by whatever idea he had.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course. I’m not a professional but, sure I can.” You smiled at him as your hand cupped his round chin gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Could you-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want a painting, too!” Andrew interrupted Steve but Steve closed his mouth and went on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Could you draw a Kylo Ren for me? As big as possible. Like this big.” He stretched his arms to both sides as he stood up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ugh..” was all you could say. Not that you were unsure of your skills. Truth was that you could draw him perfectly even though you haven’t seen him too often. Because he wore all black, of course. It was easy. But you just couldn’t be sure that if you wanted to think about him further, even for a drawing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t worry if you didn’t.” Steve spoke, traces of heartbreak in his tone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok Stevie, I’ll try. It’s just that I’m not sure if I can find a paper large enough to fit him in.” You let out a chuckle and their giggles mixed yours.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shh..” Harry interrupted and you all perked an ear. It was the cook, whistling as he was approaching. Kids hid the books here and there in rush and some picked up broomsticks from the corner as others pulled cleaning fabric and worked on the surface of tables. You stood up with them circled around so it would look like you just arrived there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Still not do- oh... Princess?” the shouting man stopped as he noticed you. He was an overweight male as you could expect from a cook. Had long mustaches and a triangular beard, a white chef hat on his head. He had everything you would seek in a cook.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Was just checking around.” You put on a serious face, eyebrows knitted slightly as if you were on an interrogation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. Anything upsetting you, princess?” he asked, sweat already shining on his forehead. He was worried, but under that you could see that he was going to blame the kids if anything went wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, nothing.” You looked around in a convinced expression to support your comment. Then an idea came up and you almost broke your royalty face expression. “I was wondering if they could help me with the cleaning of my quarters, too. I have lots of furniture, besides need to organize my library too. Must put my notes into writing, as well.” You stared at the cook who seemed to be struggling to give an answer to that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The chores within- it may cause a disorder and.. Princess, don’t get me wrong but I thi-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just once a week, after they’re done with the work here. I don’t think that it will ever be a problem, chef.” You spoke softly but the man still seemd unconvinced as he closed his eyes slowly and shook his head both sides. “Don’t mistake my calmness. I could just speak on a higher level but I’m pretty sure that you don’t need to be reminded of who I am.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence. Your deep voice would always work. “S-sure, princess. However you like.” His eyes turned down on the floor and he swiped the sweat with a tablecloth he seemed to be squeezing between his palm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great! I’ll let you know, kids.” You winked at them who were trying to conceal the will of squeaking and exited the dining hall. Proud of what you just did, you almost bounced your way to the elevator.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So far, the kids were your favourite to spend time with, though Phasma was soothing to be around too despite how she carried herself. Being around kids would make you forget about the worries, distress in your life for a short moment. It was like a therapy. The more you’ve spent time with them, the more you opened yourself easily to the outer world. Because they didn’t judge, they didn’t get mad at you. They were desperate for whatever story you’d tell them be it just ordinary stuff or something about the force thing. You never revealed too much on that of course, that what you’ve experienced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Drawing Kylo Ren came into your head. Like his figure was not running through your mind enough, now Steve wanted a poster of the Sith Lord drawn by you. What were you supposed to to? You couldn’t reject that innocent boy. But the fact that being have to think about him further made you uneasy, right after Kylo Ren himself telling you to not to a couple of days ago. <em>Don’t think about it too much. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Let out a long sigh as you walked up to your room, thinking of a nice bubble bath since it’s been a while that you took showers, you could put some music too-oh. You’ve forgotten to give the part to repair. You didn’t know where to give it to, anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Locked the door after yourself as you stepped inside and something caught your gaze on the mattress. A pile of..clothes? you approached to see, load of your dresses-wait.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Held one emerald green up to your face. It was missing something. It was ripped!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Checked another soft pink of your favorite. There were marks of, scissors or knives, whatever that was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another satin red dress, having ripped holes on it randomly. “What the-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You squeezed the dress, marched straight over the door. Spanked the door mechanism and got frustrated that it didn’t open at once. Lips furled, a burning feeling at the back of your eyes as you stomped over Hux’s room. Your vision was blurry from the vibration your rage gave you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a cleaning in Hux’s room. Droids stopped sweeping as they noticed you and beeped, saying that he was not here. Without wasting a time you exited the room, stomping over to the other side of corridor where the common rooms were located. A stormtrooper met your gaze and stood there motionless like you just force-froze him or something. “Where is he? Where is your commander?” you spat the words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The soldier hesitated to tell it or not and showed the room behind him with his thumb. “Comman- in, in the dark room.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine.” You walked passing him by.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I don’t think he-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut up!” you shouted before entering the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As how it was announced, the room was dark. Only lighting was the one that came from above, resembling a representation of the light at the end of a tunnel where you’d be headed towards the heaven after life. However it was not heaven. And you were certain to turn it into a hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Breathing heavily you marched closer to the seat, a throne or whatever that was and threw the dress on top of Hux, who seemed to be almost unvisible under the shadow of the throne. “You have an explaination to what the fuck you’ve been doing, you egoistic shit!?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dress landed on his head, but he didn’t move. You doubted for a second if there was somebody there at all. Was he sleeping? His head was low like he was resting his elbows on his knees. No he was awake. And he was standing up now. Up high actually. He was-</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>No</em>. You felt your heart stopped beating for a good five seconds as your eyes adapted to the figure under the strong ray of light. <em>Oh no.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I- I am, t-terribly sorry. Thought you were..” you tried to explaing the misunderstanding as Kylo Ren took a threatening step towards you. “The stormtrooper said commander and I thought.. I thought he was referring to Hux. I didn’t mean to.. I just..”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kylo Ren took another slow step towards you. He was massive. It was from the light maybe but he was extremely big like a whole mountain cutting the sunlight, he stood in front of you, keeping you in the darkness. You couldn’t dare to speak, hell couldn’t even gulp properly. It’s been a few days since you’d last seen him and you were surprised that you almost forgot how his presence affected you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dark knight walked circling around you, like a feline around a deer. His steps were slow and it seemed like forever as he finished a round. “I can hardly restrain myself to not punish you for your behaviour. And yet you’re giving me new reasons. As if you are asking for it.” His voice echoed through your ears and through the whole room even though he spoke low, sending you chills over your arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I- wait, what?” your mind stuck on the word <em>punishment</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You heard what I said.” He said with a monotone voice as he approached. His head was lowered slightly now like he was focused on something. You felt the air between you thickened, haze of fury surrounding you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Punishment? Who do you th- How dare you?!” Your voice raised up again. What made him think that he was your superior? That he could talk down to you like that? Just because he had some supernatural powers? “I’m a princess! You can’t talk to me in that way!” your voice was risen up, out of your control. But Kylo Ren didn’t move a muscle. He kept standing the way he did and spoke after his heavy breathing was no more audible, but you wished that he’d kept his silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d speak in a very indecent way if you were not coming from royalty, princess. And I have a feeling that you’d like it, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Shit</em>. Cold wash of a thrill captured you body, from your head to toe, and a heat peaking up around your neck, drumming behind your ears. It moved to your face around your cheeks, eyes felt like tearing up, something buzzing inside. As your ears turned back to life, you heard an unsteady breathing and it took a moment for you to realize that it belonged to you. But what surprised you more was the the crawling sensation that moved down from your heart to your stomach and to your-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Enough! You don’t know where your words lead to.” Without saying anything further you turned back and stomped over the exit door. But Kylo Ren stopped you in the midway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Princess.” He said it in a voice that sounded like he was going to drag this out. You wanted to run away but again something -curiousity or else- made you return your body back to him, waiting for whatever he was going to bring up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your dress.” He extended the red dress you have forgotten that you’ve thrown at his head like a few minutes ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course.” You raised your eyebrows as you walked back to him, grabbing the dress from his hand and-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something hit you, not literally but you felt something flied over to your head solid and clear. A scene. Red figure over a gloved hand. It happened and was gone in less than a second. But you reacted right away as you’ve noticed Kylo Ren’s empty hand still floating in the air. You stumbled back and almost fell down missing one step of the lower platform, and marched back to the door without looking back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You thought he was going to grasp you. Arms crossed at your chest, you rubbed your upper arms as you walked through the corridor to ease the cold feeling. A stormtropper wanted to say something, and maybe he did too but you were too shaken to be able to hear him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You were back in your room again, locked and safe. Your heart pounding your chest like it was trying to break free. This was so strong, a feeling different than just pure horror. It was something that you felt in your soul and it was shaking you now, both mentally and physically.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You’ve seen this. The dream you’ve had on the way here. Even though it was not totally the same. Red dress was replaced with a red apple in it. Hand in a leather glove. Dark tunnel, light coming from above. Red dim lights in the hallway. The dark room. Red. Black. All of the images went through your brain at once. You couldn’t say where any of them belonged to. Reality and imaginary were mixed eachother. Didn’t know where one was finished and the other started.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>What does this mean?</em> You looked through the massive window as you pondered.<em> What am I getting myself into?</em></p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hollaa!! I just love symbolism okay? I don't know if it seems too cheesy lol<br/>Hope you enjoyed this chapter.<br/>Had put some o' that steam in this as promised. ;)<br/>Please leave a comment or two oh my god I don't know how it is going so far so let me know what you think about it! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Faces</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Your thoughts are valued at the Supreme Council and you are given a piece of freedom by the Supreme Leader. At the same time, Hux insists to be a restrictive husband. You avoid interacting him, and he gets more aggressive each time you refuse his approach. Things get ugly, and you both hurt eachother. As much as you doubt that you two could fix the problems between you, both take a step to another and you feel relieved to know that the feeling is mutual. However someone else gets included within the untasteful situation going on between you and Hux, and you don't know how to deal with it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Supreme Council. The name changed its meaning for you lately. It’s been a long while since the council last gathered but there was more action within the First Order lately. Rather than discussions about what the next steps should be, invasion after invasion was informed to you by the massacre of the army every day.</p><p> </p><p>The way of First Order changed. You were never a supportive fan of their actions, as many dirty businesses lay behind the relationship they had with the government and important warlords, but now they took it to another level by the killings made in the cities that refused to obey to the dark side. First you thought as it was always like this, that you were new and couldn’t analyze it well enough. Talking to Captain Phasma however assured you that there was a change within the First Order, that things were getting tougher, and the distance between the generals was growing as big as the increasingly visible rivalry between Armitage Hux and Kylo Ren.</p><p> </p><p>Thinking of the dark knight made you shiver. You had to see him again after the last time you encountered him in the dark room. You seemed paranoid for the past few days, only going out of your room when necessary, spending most of your time inside painting and reading books. Scared to come across him in the hallways, as if he was going to catch you and…</p><p> </p><p>You shook the creeping feeling off immediately as you stepped out of bathtub. It was the hottest water that you could bathe in and yet here you were, still shaking from inside as you wrapped yourself up within your bathrobe.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing you did was pull out your sketchbook and pencils as you laid on the chaise lounge, wearing one of those old lady dresses Hux gave you since you had been left with nothing else to wear. You didn’t bother to dry your hair, not yet. And no makeup and no accessories either. Just your mother’s pendant on your chest that seemed to be always hanging there. You didn’t worry about your appearance. Had to let your mind free first.</p><p> </p><p>You picked up an orange pencil to draw Millicent, Hux’s cat, that was now at an animal hospital to treat her disease. It was only a couple of days you spent with Millicent in your room. Although she was a total troublemaker, knocking a wine bottle off of the table, tearing the sides of the chaise lounge, and sleeping right in the middle of the mattress like she owned it, you really did miss the cat. Such a shame you were allergic to animal hair and couldn’t spend a lot of time playing with her without coughing once in a row. Other than that, Hux was so controlling over Millicent that it didn’t surprise you that he didn’t seem to be eager to let Millicent sleep in your quarters. It was as if Millicent was his daughter, and she probably was to him.</p><p> </p><p>You smiled at the sketches of Millicent catching a butterfly, sunbathing four legs in the air and attacking BB-9E from back. This was relevant also, that she didn’t like droids much for some reason. It was probably because of the noises they made as they spoke. Millicent had a problem with her ears and the droids probably sounded way worse to her and that is why she hated them. BB-9E would roll on its way as soon as it saw Millicent in the hallway, which was very rare because Hux kept her in a separate room in his quarters most of the time.</p><p> </p><p>You drew a sloppy sketch of Hux with the same pencil, pressed it harder as you drew his copper hair and weaker in the middle to create a shining effect. His brows knit, eyes squinted like he just saw something very embarrassing or disgusting, his lips supporting the expression as the both ends turned downwards. You worked on another one, a smiley expression, though you rarely saw him smile. Even if he did, it was not a sincere one you believed. Perhaps it was just how Hux’s face was.</p><p> </p><p>You checked the time, there was about an hour until the meeting so you could spend some more time sketching. You picked up the black pencil to work on the details of each sketch, adding shadow and lining to them. Your hand wandered around the details, undecided where to land on. No. You knew why you picked it up and didn’t want to admit it. But your hand turned the paper.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe running away from it was not the solution. Maybe you should’ve moved straight towards the problem, if to call it that, instead of ignoring it. So, your hand circled on the paper, a vertical rectangle right below it. Another horizontal rectangle. You added the arms and the legs in parts while slightly defining them at the sides, defined the mask a little bit more and the linings of the cape. And voila!</p><p> </p><p>It was easy to sketch Kylo Ren. Just an undefined male body in an all black costume with a mask, a cape and that was it. But this was not something you could give to Steve. You had to make it more realistic. You tried to remember his clothes. He had a belt, the only thing that could be considered shiny in his costume apart from the linings of his mask. His top was long, down to his…knees? Leather-ish pants. He had boots, yes. Big boots stomping as he walked. He also had leather gloves. What else?</p><p> </p><p>You looked at the figure before your eyes. <em>Still looks rough</em>, you said. To someone who has nothing to do with sketching, this could be considered nice work actually. And you know that whoever sees this sketch would know who it was. No doubt that Steve would like how you drew Kylo Ren too. However, the blurriness disturbed you. Loads of undecided lines at the sides were just yelling that you were not capable of it. Most of the time you wouldn’t care, as is the nature of sketching, you’d just go with whatever comes to your imagination and let your mind wander around galaxies. So it was too with painting, you did it as a type of a meditation. However now it didn’t help you relax. <em>Anything including him creates distress</em>.</p><p> </p><p>You stood up, your hands on your waist as you looked over it one more time before yanking the paper and tearing it into pieces. You glanced at the time to see there was half an hour until the meeting. You took off the towel wrapped around your head and threw it in the laundry chute. You dried your hair in front of the bathroom mirror as your eyes stuck on the scratch on the back of your left hand. It was one that Millicent gave you, when you were teasing her just to see the annoyed expression on the face of the ginger cat. Despite Hux’s warning about not pushing her too much, you did, you patted on her tummy several times and you increased the intensity of your touch as you couldn’t get a response from her. Although your strokes were not hurting her, it annoyed Millicent to the point that she had nothing else to do but attack you. And you were rewarded with the scratch as a reminder that you should be gentle with her. You doubted you would hold onto that though. Millicent was a little overweight and her soft white tummy was too cute to resist.</p><p> </p><p>You smiled to yourself, recalling the face of Millicent as you finished with your hair. You put it in a half bun as you generally did but you were not satisfied with how the woman in the mirror looked. She looked…aged? <em>These granny dresses!</em> You opened two buttons from the collar so that you would not look over forty and you could breathe easier. You exhaled loudly as you admitted that maybe you did need makeup to look well. You went over your brows just a little bit, putting dark brown eyeshadow in the roots of your eyelashes and put mascara on as well to finish it the soonest. You didn’t have any interest in making an effort. You even thought of faking sickness to not attend the council. But it could be important after over two weeks without one.</p><p> </p><p>You took a deep breath as you walked out of your room, passing through the corridor with unwilling steps as if you were back in childhood and being forced to go to school early in the morning. The thing is that you didn’t believe your presence in the council made much difference. It was pointless, attending and suggesting your ideas of the First Order following this way instead of that way. Your pacifist approach would be ignored. First, by your husband Armitage Hux, explaining that peace has never been therenin the first place. Second, by the other admirals joining him with the humiliating smirk they hid.</p><p> </p><p>There was only one time they agreed with you about a visit to Coruscant to meet with some politicians and it resulted with them paying a visit in return. They had been introduced to the hospitality of Supremacy on board for two days. It paid off well, and one of the politicians was convinced to change the flow of his speech, bringing a touch to it that carried praise of the First Order and its power in their council. Though it created conflicts within the branches, it was a step well taken after the bad impression the dark side had so far. But it was killed off when a late invasion was planned towards a desert planet named Jakku, to find the stormtrooper that stole intelligence to help rebellious acts. The one Phasma failed to train. He was taken down easily, and while there was no need of doing so, a whole city was burned down by the TIE fighters until there was nothing left but smoke in the air.</p><p> </p><p>The reason you kept attending the council was that, indeed, you had nothing else to do much on a war ship. There was plenty of time and most of it was spent on your hobbies. But these would bore you as well, not being in contact with another human being. Hell you sometimes even craved to talk to BB-9E about just nonsense.</p><p> </p><p>When you stepped in the meeting room, you realized that you had been waited for. Like they have been waiting for you in particular to proceed with something. You took it from the bodies moving and chairs being adjusted. You noticed Kylo Ren at the left, gazing at the sky, and he returned back to face you. Your eyes skipped from him to Hux as you placed yourself in your chair, and to others that seemed like they had been expecting a speech from you.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I’m late.” You said even though you were on time. You just wanted to shake their eyes off of you.</p><p> </p><p>“The governor of Lothal is disobeying us.” Kylo Ren spoke as he approached the table. He placed both of his palms on the table and transferred his weight before he spoke again, his head turned towards General Quinn. “Guess we all have been expecting this.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh no, not again</em>, you thought internally. Was he going to choke him again? Funny that it didn’t scare or surprise you. And sad that you were getting used to things like this, being totally out of emotion like the rest of the attendants. To your surprise he didn’t do anything. Not yet, at least.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re in contact with Governor Leto,” Quinn responded. He was confident as he spoke, it made you think that he was following this issue and doing the best that could be done to resolve it. But again, as the result, it was not enough.</p><p> </p><p>“What about the new unit that was going to arrive at the beginning of this week? No more stormtroopers have arrived since the last time.” Hux spoke this time, his head perked towards General Quinn who sat on the opposite side of the table. It was a disguised attack of him. You knew this by the look on his face, eyebrows perked above the half-lidded eyes and the jaw tensing slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“As per our conversation with the governor, the units will be delivered at the beginning of the next week, commander.” Quinn responded, his teeth gritted slightly as he stared at Hux.</p><p> </p><p>“What guarantees it? The word of a governor who almost lost his authority in the last election?” Hux insisted.</p><p> </p><p>“People of Lothal are loyal to us. Governors come and go, but the loyalty of the city remains,” Quinn defended. Their conversation extended to the point that the importance of the subject was forgotten. That it wasn’t about Lothal or the influence of First Order anymore. The flow of the conversation turned into personal issues as the other admirals joined the heated conversation. Though they were calm as they spoke, you lost track of their conversation about trust and obedience. You exhaled loudly as your eyes turned towards the window and you leaned on your back to see the moon peeking at the corner behind Kylo Ren.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, your eyes stuck on the dark knight and you couldn’t pull away. He was standing tall at the end of the table as he always seemed to be doing. His hands undecided between balling into fists and loosening, he placed them back on the table, body extending forward as his upper arms stretched. Even under the thick fabric of his clothing, you could see biceps perking up as well as his shoulders that seemed to hardly fit in his top.</p><p> </p><p>You turned your eyes down in front of you for a second to look back at him again, his broad chest moving slowly with each breath he took. You wondered if the mask actually helped him with his respiration, since he seemed to be having difficulties at times. Or that his clothing was a little too tight that you could see each motion on his body. Well, he was a big man.</p><p> </p><p>You couldn’t help a thought slipping through your mind, a visualization of a male body under those clothes. It came and went right away before you could notice and prevent yourself from thinking about it. You closed your eyes and turned your head down in disappointment with yourself as you knitted your eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“Princess?”</p><p> </p><p>You gasped as you heard his voice. Your breath stuck in your throat, the attention of other attendants pulled upon you after the dark knight spoke. You gulped the insecurity down before you spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, commander?” you looked at Kylo Ren and found his attention fully on you, his body arched towards your direction as well as his head. He resembled a wild creature, a wolf maybe before it attacked its prey. The sight before your eyes sent cold shivers through your body.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you mind sharing your thoughts?”</p><p> </p><p>The air left your lungs as you could hardly inhale without being loud. You cleared your throat before you spoke. “Excuse me, I lost track. About what?” you asked, voice as soft as possible. You were scared of what was coming next.</p><p> </p><p>“About the disobedience of Governor Leto. Do you have any suggestions?”</p><p> </p><p>A sigh of relief. <em>What was I even thinking, damn</em>. You looked at General Quinn to see how desperate he was for the suggestion you would make. You pitied the man for a second and gathered your thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“As my capability is lacking in terms of military, I’d suggest to-”</p><p> </p><p>“To invest a pacifist behavior and expect the government to be obedient this time.” Hux cut your words, his head turning towards you slowly, a judgmental look upon his face. “Is that it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I believe she can speak for herself, general.”</p><p> </p><p>Your gaze darted away to Kylo Ren, blinked a few times as you tried to kill off the smirk building at the corner of your lips. “I suggest visiting Lothal to see for ourselves what is going wrong. I think it would be more effective than voice-calls.” You looked at General Quinn immediately. “I mean, it is still the best we can do at the moment.” You hoped that he wouldn’t misunderstand you. You wouldn’t want to be rude towards the old man, after all.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse my curiosity, princess. But how do you think it will work out?” Admiral Griss spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Not to be discouraging, but I think Governor Leto is way past listening to the Supreme Council.” General Engell stated.</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll listen to <em>me</em>.” You responded sharply. And you were surprised that they didn’t dig in further.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a waste of time.” Hux spoke. “We keep acting like we even need their help, no other city will follow our orders. Remember what happened after we visited Coruscant?” he turned his head to you, his gaze skipped from one attendant to another and finally back to you.</p><p> </p><p>“The senator changed his speech at the council? In every news report I’ve read, the First Order was mentioned as  salvation instead of an organization fed with terror,” You explained.</p><p> </p><p>“And after that?” He insisted.</p><p> </p><p>“You mean after the massacre done at that desert planet? After our troops killed hundreds of innocent people, including babies? Just for one stormtrooper that we failed to keep an eye on? A spy, that a ship-load of soldiers could not achieve to take down?” you were breathless at the end of the sentence but could go on, if only Hux’s face was not so warning.</p><p> </p><p>“Enough.” Hux hissed. His jaw was clenched, but he held an expression that carried worry rather than anger. His eyes wide as he looked at you, Hux was worried that you were going to get yourself in trouble with speaking in that attitude before Supreme Council, and more importantly before a commander that had supernatural powers.</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren broke the dead silence as he exhaled through his mask, his breath echoing against the metal of his mask. “I’d prefer it to be the opposite but you are right, princess.”</p><p> </p><p>Hux turned his head towards Ren and back to you, an expression on his face that couldn’t hide the shock at how you were still breathing. You found similar expressions on Quinn’s face, Admiral Kalsey and the others. Your eyes darted over Kylo Ren, who walked half circling the table, passing by Hux’s chair.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped right behind you. “Dismissed.” His deep dark voice echoed in your ears though you could tell he was standing away from your chair. “Princess. I expect you to join me meeting the Supreme Leader.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh</em>. This was up to no good. You looked to your left to see Hux’s worried face, his eyebrows raised slightly. Your neck stiffened. “Now?” you asked, voice pathetically faint.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” His answer was sharp.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, commander.” You stood up, spasms in your stomach as you took one last look at your husband, who avoided the eye contact. You inhaled through your nostrils as you walked up to the door behind you.</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren didn’t say a word as he stomped through the corridor with you one step behind him. His cloak twirling and hitting your leg with every step he took. You were once fast to reach his long pace, slowing as his cloak got in your way, an unsteady walk you took until he stopped and looked back at you. His hand extending before him leading you forward. You couldn’t help a nervous smile form on your lips as you stepped forward and walked in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“This way.”</p><p> </p><p>You looked back at Kylo Ren who was turned right to the corridor. “Shouldn’t we take the elevator? I don’t understand.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you trust me, princess?” The dark knight approached. “Despite your impertinent approach, not once did I remind you of it. Not a word I said. Can you say that I’m being intolerant towards you?” He was towering over you now, his shoulders blocking your sight.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” You shook your head to both sides admitting the fact.</p><p> </p><p>“Then why don’t you do as I say? Why do you keep opposing me? I know you’re scared of me. I can feel your fear. Among other things.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-” you wanted to say something back, that you didn’t fear him but it would be stupid to lie in front of a man who could easily read minds and sense feelings. You forgot to breathe as he came even closer to you, his torso almost touching yours.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you keep making it harder than it already is?” Kylo Ren breathed, words leaking like a golden liquor, to hear him speaking in such tone made your vision go dizzy for a second. You realized that his sentence hid a different meaning, as you felt something brushing against your abdomen. You exhaled a shaking breath, your pelvis aching and something exploded within your chest. You could manage to back up a few steps despite your mind not computing anymore. Your back hit the wall lightly, and Kylo Ren leaned in close, his mask a few centimeters from your face that it felt like he was going to absorb you through the gap of his mask. You were shaking, but this was not out of fear and you hated that.</p><p> </p><p>“B-back.. off!” you stuttered out at the same time you tried to adjust your breath. The air was too heavy and hot between you and him, that you thought the heat of his massive body was evaporating all the oxygen before it could even reach your windpipe.</p><p> </p><p>“Back the fuck off!” you hissed, as he didn’t move a muscle, standing dangerously close to you for what seemed like forever. Your chest was embarrassingly moving up and down as you tried not to suffocate. You felt like you were about to cry, or pass out.</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren snickered faintly, but loud enough for you to hear before he spoke. “I’m impressed of your courage, princess. You have no power over me, and yet you do not retract from speaking your mind. It’s almost titillating.”</p><p> </p><p>Your back was shaken with a cold wave from your ankles up to your neck. In contrary to your back, the front of your body was flaming. You felt desperate, could neither move or speak. A sand-like feeling on your palate made it hard to even gulp. To your help, footsteps in the hallway approached you nearby. You exhaled loudly as Kylo Ren backed up, but was still close enough for someone to misunderstand what they saw. A stormtrooper appeared at the corner, standing still as he looked your way like he was frozen. You checked to see if the commander had done something to him. If not yet, he was going to do so now as he raised his hand in the air.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll forget this and go back.” He extended his hand over the stormtrooper.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll forget this and go back.” The stormtrooper spoke and went on his way.</p><p> </p><p>You cocked your head back as if this was a joke before your eyes. Later realizing that this was one of those force skills Kylo Ren had, your gaze turned back to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you understand now how easy it is for me? I can take whatever I want.”</p><p> </p><p>His words shook you. It was not a claim, nor a challenging word. It was a fact. Now you were afraid of Kylo Ren even more, even though it was said that mind-controlling did not work on everybody. Especially on sharp-minded individuals. Knowing that you were smart, your willpower was strong could be relieving. But again it scared you. Not because he could use his mind-controlling power over you. Because you would not be able to resist him if he did.</p><p> </p><p>“S-supreme Leader.” You stepped towards the door of the dark room. “Aren’t we going to speak to him?”</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren didn’t move at first. Stood there motionless except his broad shoulders slightly going up and down. “After you, princess.” He ushered you inside the dark room.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing else than a ray of light lighted the center of the room where a throne was placed. You saw it clearer as your vision adjusted to the darkness, that nobody was sitting on the throne. You refused to think of what was going to happen next as you stopped walking and felt the dark knight right next to you. He took a step further than you and kneeled on his one knee, his head bowed.</p><p> </p><p>You looked over him, your brows knit together in confusion, and back to throne to check if someone was there that you couldn’t see clearly. Blinking slightly, you squeezed your eyes to be sure and you noticed a huge fog, a cloud of light high above the throne. You gasped at the sight and gulped nervously as the holo-image of the Supreme Leader became clearer.</p><p> </p><p>“Supreme Leader.” You greeted him with a nod, a tone mixed with shock.</p><p> </p><p>“Long time no see, young lady. How is the life on Supremacy?”</p><p> </p><p>You looked up to meet the huge holo-image of the Supreme Leader, a sincere smile upon his skewed face. Were you really going to talk about your life on the Supremacy now? You didn’t know how to respond, nor did you know why exactly you were here.</p><p> </p><p>“It is going well, thanks.” You replied shortly with a forced smile.</p><p> </p><p>What else could you say? <em>No, I hate it here. My husband does not respect me, nor love me but that is not the case because I do not love him either. He ruined all my dresses so I could wear this nun clothing. He tells me to not walk around the ship as if I’m a five-year-old, not even go to see the kids in the dining hall. Makes fun of my drawings. Underestimates my knowledge. After all that, expects me to give in and slide into his bed like nothing happened. Oh, and then there is this other commander, whose face I have never seen, and he somehow accomplishes to make me feel weak and vulnerable in so many ways. Which I’d rather not talk about it.</em></p><p> </p><p>“I hear of your news. What is your suggestion about fixing the disobedience of the Outer Rim territories?”</p><p> </p><p>So they actually valued your opinions. You took a minute to gather your thoughts on the subject. “Lothal is the center of the military and ammunition organizations. If we were to arrange a visit there, to see the governor and convince him in a friendly way to keep up with our path, I believe the other uncooperative cities are going to be willing to follow. We just need a good start for everybody to see and actually believe in.” You spoke softly. The old man hummed and encouraged you to go on.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse my reckless way of speaking, but the First Order has always had a bad reputation as a hollow organization that spreads terror all over the galaxy for nothing. I understand the power it has, the potential. But power gained with fear has to have a limit. Not too low as it will cause noncompliance, also not too tight because as soon as there’s an opportunity to do so, the followers will try to find a way to overthrow the system. You know, like-”</p><p> </p><p>“Like holding a bird in your palm. Not too loose as it may flee, but not too tight either as you may crash it.” Kylo Ren completed your sentence. Either you have been speaking for too long or he wanted to come to the conclusion by now. His head was turned towards to you now and you frowned, turning your head back to the Supreme Leader.</p><p> </p><p>He seemed to be calculating something, his face without any expression that he did agree with you or not. You hated to know that if you were not coming from a high-ranked family you most likely would be dead by now if not before. This was something that royalty failed to teach you. You were in control with the words you chose in random conversations. But when it came to politics, relationships or any other subject that were related to the patriarchal mindset, you kept losing your manners. The words you chose became sharper, as if you wanted to stab them into the person opposing you with their ideas. And you knew damn well that you enjoyed doing so. Though, right now it seemed far from a satisfactory moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I see your point princess, but you should also know that we as the Supremacy do not have that luxury to send a unit to visit a governor. And this has nothing to do with the quantity. It is against the ideals the First Order holds.” Supreme Leader explained. Though he was a fearsome man, he was being very kind to you so far and he was not opposing you just because he sees you as inferior or dumb, like others did.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t believe that a unit of stormtroopers are needed. We’re not preparing for a war?” You smiled, wanting to chuckle actually but thought it would be too much.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you have in mind? I sense your confidence, but either I am failing to read it well or you do have a reason to go without a unit supporting you.” Supreme Leader said.</p><p> </p><p>“I know Governor Leto personally. He was… a close friend of my father.” You explained as you knit your brows so that your eyes would not water. “An army would only scare him and fail to fix our relationship with him. Leto and I still share a good connection no matter what. He’ll take into consideration what I suggest him to do. I can guarantee this.”</p><p> </p><p>Supreme Leader pondered while his eyes scanned your face. He seemed…surprised? Probably he was surprised at your confidence as he didn’t know the past. You were glad that he didn’t ask why Leto would all of a sudden feel responsible for what you requested from him. You would not like to explain it either. The past was just saddening and you didn’t want to bring it up, like skinning the layer off a wound that is nearly recovered.</p><p> </p><p>“A small quantity of stormtroopers will be escorting you for your safety, princess.” the old man spoke sincerely. His gaze turned towards Kylo Ren. “Arrange a team for the Lothal visit, Ren. Two TIE fighters to escort the main ship.”</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren lifted his head up to meet his gaze. He stood up slowly and nodded. “As your word, Supreme Leader.”</p><p> </p><p>“If this visit turns out to be successful, you’ll be expected to visit other important cities in the Outer Rim, princess.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d be glad to become a part of it, Supreme Leader.” You bowed your head as well as your upper body.</p><p> </p><p>A sincere smile spread across your face as you came to realization that this mission opened a door to your freedom. It was nothing much, and totally not a holiday trip, however it was the closest thing you could get ever to a trip. A few words more were shared between the two of you as you headed out of the dark room.</p><p> </p><p>Outside, you came across Hux, who seemed to be just walking into the dark room. He walked closer as he saw you, eyes scanning your face. “What happened?” the tone in his voice was full of curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>“Supreme Leader agreed with me. We’ll be visiting Lothal soon. To meet Governor Leto.” You explained, a trace amount of pride in your voice.</p><p> </p><p>“When?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know when. Commander Ren will arrange the equip that will escort us.” You stepped through the corridor as you explained.</p><p> </p><p>Hux walked alongside you, eyes stuck at the front of you, as if calculating something. “A week from now at the least. Until then I’d be back from Starkiller.”</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, it would work better if we visited Leto first, don’t you think? We’d return to Starkiller after the visit and maybe he would join us too? I don’t know, just thinking.”</p><p> </p><p>You were at the door of your room. You pushed the button at the mechanism and stepped inside, Hux following you silently. You were surprised that he didn’t oppose you for your last sentence. You could swear he was not there with you if you didn’t hear his hesitant steps towards you as you walked up to the commode to put down the earrings that you forgot you’ve been wearing. “What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>You turned your head back, your body following as you noticed the mood change upon Hux’s face. He was not listening, that was for sure. His eyes wandered on your body, your exposed neck, your lips. You knew what was coming next as he approached you and creeped his one hand behind your back. “I’m tired, Armitage.” You backed up and slipped through his arm with ease. Went over the bathroom to remove your makeup.</p><p> </p><p>You took more time than you intended to, as Hux watched you at the door, waiting. You’ve been ignoring him lately, including his attempts to have sex with you. Things were rather better now between you and him, maybe he’s realized that he hurt you much before. You knew he would never say it out loud, but you could feel it in his gestures that he regretted ruining your dresses. And for the last few days he came by checking upon you as he found time from his assignments. Approaching you silently, in a childish behavior you’ve seen this as, because he didn’t speak out of it. Just stood there, rubbing your forearm or touching your hand. You refused him each time with a kind behavior. This time too, and he was gone after a while again.</p><p> </p><p>It was just how you felt. You couldn’t forgive him yet. Actually, it was not about forgiving. You couldn’t easily get over how valueless he made you feel. As if you were nothing else than wife to a commander. That you carried no more importance other than that. Were you overreacting? According to Hux, you were. But you would not say anything. You wished you could talk to somebody about it and see where you were at. You thought of talking to Phasma once, to let out your anger and sadness, so she could tell where you were wrong and how you should behave from an objective point of view because you couldn’t figure it out yourself. However, you could just not mention the fights and avoid the fact that this was an arranged marriage, though you had a feeling that it could be already known.</p><p> </p><p>The reason you chose not to talk about it was the fact you feared she would be judgmental towards you. That she wouldn’t understand the sacrifice you made for your family. It was clear as day that you had no tolerance for being judged. Then again, isolating yourself made you feel lonely. You were trapped in your own choices, and you had no one else to be mad at than yourself. The conflict was tearing you apart, you couldn’t fit in your body. The walls of your room looked as if they were approaching each other each day that passed.</p><p> </p><p>In the following days after confirming the visit to Lothal, the room seemed to be more depressing. You wanted a break so bad, but you had to wait for Hux to be back from the duty on Starkiller and he hadn’t even gone yet. The only escape you found was to spend time with the kids. You spent the whole day together with them, painting together, playing games and singing songs on top of them helping you tidy your bookshelves and cleaning the room.</p><p> </p><p>You didn’t even notice Hux walking inside the room as you all were laughing at Harry imitating a stormtrooper. The expression on Harry’s face told it, and you all turned back to face Hux, a disapproving look on his face. You called him over to join your fun games, however he seemed resistant to even smile. You turned back to kids to thank them for their help and tell them that you would need them again in future, and they headed out without you saying anything further.</p><p> </p><p>“You needed something?”</p><p> </p><p>Your question was left floating in the air as Hux came closer, his hand reaching yours and he turned you around to capture your body, his chest against your back. He nuzzled your neck and placed a kiss on your collarbone over the fabric. “I am going to Starkiller tomorrow.” He breathed.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Was what only left your mouth as you were now focused on the earliest time you could leave this ship. “When will you be back?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. A couple of days. Maybe one week?” his grip on your waist tightened and he pulled you closer to his body as his lips moved up to the back of your ear. “I missed you.” You felt his breath against your nape as he moved to the other side, kissing you. His hands moved upwards to your breasts and his hard length grazed your hip.</p><p> </p><p>As much as you wanted it, you were not going to get back to that hollow feeling he left you with. Hux would never understand this, and you were too tired to explain. His actions were seductive, that was for sure. And it was clear now that he wanted you. Then again something was missing. You hated to do so, but you compared him to your previous boyfriends. Although the relationship with Hux was nothing similar to the ones before, you kept recalling the kisses, the sex you had with other men that crossed your path in the past. And maybe this itself was why you had difficulties focusing in the moment. Hux was aware of this, too. That you were distracted mentally and his actions were getting more aggressive each time. You felt like you were only feeding a volcano that was preparing to erupt. But you just couldn’t help it.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been smoking too much lately.” You spoke softly as you attempted to slide out of his capture.</p><p> </p><p>Hux caught your wrist this time, squeezing hard enough for you to gasp. You looked at him with wide eyes, the aggression on his face was leaking through his pale eyes. “Is it now my smoking habit?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” you knitted your eyebrows as you wriggled your wrist. “You’re hurting me. Let go.”</p><p> </p><p>“The excuses. I’m tired, I have a headache, it is that time of the month… and now it is that I smoke too much?” Hux’s jaw clenched. There was fury in his eyes. But he was also hurt. One had to be blind not to see that the man was hurt for being rejected. But you had your priorities fixed. “What’s next?”</p><p> </p><p>“Will you let go of my wrist?”</p><p> </p><p>So Hux did, releasing you as he took a quick walk back to bed and returned. “Even those kids spend more time with you than I do.” He hissed. “Useless scamps.”</p><p> </p><p>“They are not useless!” You couldn’t help the raise in your voice. “Every one of those kids is much smarter than half of the stormtroopers out there. And they are only ten.”</p><p> </p><p>“They are fucking rats!” His voice raised.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop that! Why are you attacking innocent kids now? They have done nothing wrong. And they’ve been helping me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you defending a bunch of whoresons against me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop!” you snapped, breathing through your gritted teeth. “You have no business to talk trash about those innocent kids. You were one of them once, or did you forget?”</p><p> </p><p>A dead silence. Felt like the time was frozen for a split second. You saw Hux’s face pull together at the center and his mouth wrinkle right before your vision was cut sharply by a smack across your face. You couldn’t figure out what was happening for a second as you placed a hand over your burning cheek and your eyes started to tear up. When you turned your eyes back to the man, he was nearly gone at the door, disappearing a second later.</p><p> </p><p>You tumbled back to any surface you could find to get support of and dropped your body fully on the floor against the side of your table. Tears were flooding your eyes and running down your cheek one by one in silence. You pulled your legs up to your chest and stared at the void of the room. Your mind was totally blank now. You didn’t feel anything except the burning feel of the skin on your cheek. It was probably red and maybe even swollen. You didn’t want to know how you looked. Didn’t want to look at the mirror.</p><p> </p><p>You remembered the words of your mother. <em>Respect. Respect is key</em>. And there you lost control. You rested your forehead on your knees as you burst into sobs. You couldn’t stop yourself from being loud in the silence of the room. Your hiccups echoed in the emptiness of the room, hearing your own voice multiplied. It got to a point where you had difficulties breathing properly as you raised your head upwards. You reached on the table to pull yourself up, felt your knees weaker than ever as you stepped towards your bed, your body jolting with each breath you took.</p><p> </p><p>You threw yourself on the bed, curling into a ball as you pulled your pillow into your chest to calm down. Feeling exhausted by the shock you were having, your hair stuck to your temples by the sweat and the air seemed to be too heavy to reach your lungs. Tears were mixing into your sweat, and you couldn’t make anymore sound other than sharp hiccups, going deeper into a panic attack. It’s been a long time since you’ve gotten into a crisis, almost forgotten when the last time you felt like this was. Your vision darkened as you accepted the upcoming event, your muscles releasing tension and you let the darkness take over your consciousness as you passed out.</p><p> </p><p>First thing you felt as you woke up was an incredible headache, followed by soreness in your shoulders, your arms, and throughout your whole body from the attack that you couldn’t shake off. You looked over the clock as you straightened up your body from the bed and it couldn’t help you keep up with time either. Was it 0800 in the morning? When were you last awake? Was it last night?</p><p> </p><p>You stumbled over the desk to grab a glass of water, noticing the shake of your hand. You inhaled deeply to test your nerves; the crisis was gone. There was only heat that burned you through your nose. You felt it coming from your nostrils and your chest shared the same heat as it reached up to your skin. You didn’t notice it at first as normally you would do, but the rage was swimming to the surface now, capturing your mind as you left the empty glass on the desk and rushed to the door.</p><p> </p><p>Nobody crossed your path as you walked downstairs, walked through the hallway and took the elevator. You pressed the base floor button so hard that it felt like the elevator might as well be falling down by now.</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes didn’t see anybody, like there was just your destination in your sight. In the middle of the massive entrance lay a starship you didn’t know the specific name of. And you walked straight to the man who was working underneath the ship, a flashlight in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Does this thing work?”</p><p> </p><p>The man gathered himself up, took the light out of his mouth and stood straight before you. “I was just making pre-flight inspections, princess. You know, just to make sure that the engine-”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you fly this? I see you’re wearing pilot uniform. Can you fly now?” you asked patiently, watching the expression on man’s face. He looked like you just asked him to kill somebody.</p><p> </p><p>“I- I cannot unless I have instructions.” He hesitated.</p><p> </p><p>“Good, you have them now. I am ordering you to fly the ship, as the princess of the First Order.” You crossed your arms on your chest and walked next to the ship. But the man was not moving.</p><p> </p><p>“I…I am afraid that I cannot do what you request, princess.” his eyes were on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Did I stutter? I am ordering you! Are you deaf? Now do as I say!” you were yelling now. Wow. You could swear that you never have yelled at somebody before. Your voice gathered attention from your surroundings. If not before, the other technicians and pilots were staring at you, careful with their movements. “Mind your own business!” you shouted at them and watched the crowd go on their directions at ease.</p><p> </p><p>“Commander Ren.” The pilot murmured.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care about what he says, just get on this fucking ship.”</p><p> </p><p>“No. He is-”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on here?” The voice shook the anger off of your body immediately. You were too deep in your intention to escape with this ship, to a destination you didn’t know yet, and to hear his voice all of a sudden stuck your feet on the floor for a minute, your legs feeling heavy.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh..” you closed your eyes, wishing he’d be gone then. But Kylo Ren stood in front of you, his head moved from the pilot who seemed to be pissing himself and back to you.</p><p> </p><p>“What is the matter, princess?” he asked you softly, but his voice said that he would make the pilot pay with his life if you managed him to fly the ship with your word.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing. Nothing, just- whatever.” You raised your hands as if you gave up on everything and walked back to the darker side of the hall. You couldn’t help tears flooding your eyes as you walked through the corridor, passing by the stormtroopers that seemed to be noticing your face. You turned to a room right away, and stepped inside.</p><p> </p><p>It was the one they used for interrogation, a bed with some restraints stood in the middle, some mechanical platform on one wall, a chair at one corner and nothing else. You found the mechanism to close the door and as the door was closing fully, it stopped and opened back.</p><p> </p><p>The thumping sound of his boots came earlier than him and Kylo Ren appeared at the corner, stepping inside with no excuse to be doing so. and he seemed slimmer to you. You realized that he wasn’t wearing his cloak.</p><p> </p><p>“Leave me alone.” You turned your eyes back to the control panel on the wall as if it was what you’ve been looking forward to seeing but he approached you, door closing behind him a second later.</p><p> </p><p>“What is upsetting you, princess?” he breathed. His question was sincere, not like how you would politely ask somebody to just to keep the conversation going. He asked as if he would do something about it.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want to be alone, please leave.” You spoke, your nose full as you avoided his eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to know what caused your distress. If we are failing to make you feel at home, I need to know.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s none of your concern, commander. I just need to be alone, that’s all. Now, please.”</p><p> </p><p>You looked at him by the corner of your eye, even without his cloak his figure was huge compared to yours. And you were known to be above average height in your motherland. You caught him moving his right hand to his back and extending towards you, a metallic object in his hand. It was a lightsaber.</p><p> </p><p>“Wh-what are you-” your question was gone missing in your throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Take it.” He said.</p><p> </p><p>You hesitated, looking through the void of his mask and back down to the object. You extended your hand in slow motion as if it was a bomb ready to explode by the touch of your finger. It was lighter in weight that you thought it would be. You observed the lightsaber in your hand for a second. Made of black metal, red tiny wires on the surface. It had two extensions on the sides, making it look like a cross rather than the lightsabers you’ve seen before. Well not many you’ve seen from this close anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“Ignite it.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” You were shaken by his request. What did he want you to do with an ignited lightsaber?</p><p> </p><p>“Do it. Ignite the lightsaber.”</p><p> </p><p>As much as you had doubts on doing so, his insistence was constant as his body didn’t move. And you found the click after a few seconds of looking for it. You extended your arm away from both of you to the emptiness of the room and clicked the button.</p><p> </p><p>A gasp escaped your mouth and your hand trembled by the sudden weight loaded on your hand and the crimson neon light. The red sparkling came through the lightsaber, painting half of the room in red. Though it was not that heavy, you felt your hand weakening, or maybe it was because you were baffled.</p><p> </p><p>“Now use it.”</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes darted to him. “Use it where? What do you want me to do?”</p><p> </p><p>“I am not asking you to go kill somebody. Pour your anger out.” He turned his head to the wall. “On anywhere you choose.”</p><p> </p><p>You looked at the direction, where the wires and monitors were mixing with each other. The control panel was right in front of you, beaming underneath the bright crimson of the saber. Perfectly linked wires, a system that works without a function. And with one slash of yours it would be over. For what? Would it make you feel better to just destroy a whole control panel casually? Would it lessen your anger, your hurt? Or would it add extra distress because you just destroyed something that the technicians around the ship worked hard to perfect? Low-paid workers would be grounded for your actions. No. This would only make you feel worse.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re thinking too much. Just do it.” Kylo Ren spoke, his tone impatient.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t. It is- you don’t understand. I can’t do it.” You turned the click off and extended the saber back to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? Why are you holding back your anger now? Let it out.” He ordered.</p><p> </p><p>“This is not my way. No. It never was. I am thinking too much, yes. I always have been.” Hearing the crack of your voice you pushed the saber onto his abdomen for him to take and rushed to the door. You pressed the button at the mechanism but the door didn’t open.</p><p> </p><p>“You need to let go. You’re only hurting yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>He spoke softly but you didn’t turn back to him. “Open the door, please.” You whispered as you tried to maintain a steady tone in your voice. You were feeling the hiccups making their way back to your throat as your chin quivered.</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>You turned your gaze to him this time. His hand extending the saber. “I said open the door.” As you were left with no reaction, you turned back to the mechanism and you pushed the buttons in different combinations. Getting frustrated when you didn’t succeed, your teeth gritted as the heat swam up to your face and before you realized what you were doing you turned back, grabbed the saber from him, ignited it with your two hands and threw a hit at the mechanism.</p><p> </p><p>The flicker that came from the mechanism alarmed you for a second as you backed up to not set your dress on fire. You felt relieved as the fresh air of the corridor hit your face as the door opened and you stared at the dark knight before throwing his lightsaber on the floor and marching out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Using a lightsaber for the first time in your life lifted your mood up, and the following day you could feel yourself mentally stronger and totally over the slap you received from Hux. You thought through it as you were drawing sketches, from the beginning to the slap. Hux was not a nice guy, this was certain already but the fact that you brought up his childhood trauma to surface was nothing near good either. Indeed, it was disgusting, attacking him with something he chose to bury deep down in his soul, something that he tried to forget. And it was more like a reaction. The slap came out so fast, that Hux might not even had time to process and think of it. The words you chose had carried the intention to hurt only, when you might as well have said that those kids would grow up and be a successful general like him. You felt a twinge deep in your heart.</p><p> </p><p>A knock on your door dissolved the gloomy clouds around your head. “Come in!” you yelled as you stood up, walking over to the table and putting down your sketchbook. Without even looking you knew who it was as the swishing sound of his cape reached your ears and your hand reached back for your sketchbook to hide it under the vinyl discs that were laying on top of the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Snoke’s been asking about you, princess. About the visit.” Kylo Ren approached, his voice monotone as he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Snoke?” you knitted eyebrows to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Supreme Leader.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that-” you stopped in the middle of the sentence to not say something insolent. Had to remind yourself that you were not alone in your room.</p><p> </p><p>“He has some breath-taking looks now, doesn’t he?”</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes widened as you turned your gaze to the man. A snort escaped through your nostrils as you bit down your lower lip to hide a smile. “I bet you are smiling under that mask.” You turned back to the table, to tear the arm of the vinyl player away from the disc and take the needle tip off.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you curious about what I look like?” Kylo Ren asked in a calm tone.</p><p> </p><p>You almost broke the arm of the player while you were trying to take the needle tip off. You had no idea what to say to that. “I don’t know. I’ve seen Phasma’s face. You’re the only one I haven’t seen the face of.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you expect to see?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. Never thought of it.” You were focused on the malfunction until you realized Ren’s hand extending above the table. He was reaching out to the pile of discs that you hid your sketchbook underneath. He picked up a random disc and observed the title and the singer’s name.</p><p> </p><p>Now he was standing next to you. The heat of his body burning the right side of yours, his head moving up and down as he read the writings on another disc. “You’re tense.”</p><p> </p><p>A few seconds passed in silence. You opened your mouth to say something else but changed your mind. “How often do you do that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do what?” He turned his head towards you.</p><p> </p><p>“Get inside of my head?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not. I’m only reading your gestures.” Kylo Ren responded with a soft tone in his voice. He left the discs back to their place.</p><p> </p><p>“What gestures?” You couldn’t help the raise in your voice, almost challenging as if you were calling him for a fight.</p><p> </p><p>“Knitted eyebrows, heavy breathing, blinking nervously… and looking away to hide it as you do now.” Kylo Ren walked away from the table. The sound of his slow steps came out like he was mocking you. He knew too much without even using his skill to read your mind, if that was true.</p><p> </p><p>“Bold words for someone who hides behind a mask.”</p><p> </p><p>You regretted to speak soon as the words left your mouth. Placed the needle tip on the table and took a deep breath. A few seconds passed in total silence and for once you thought Kylo Ren had vanished behind you. You turned back to him slowly to make sure he was still there. He was, standing still in front of the chaise lounge with almost no motion at his presence. Your eyes scanned him, trying to make out his state of mind. Was he angry? If so, he was containing it well. For now.</p><p> </p><p>An alarming shiver ran up your back as both of his hands rose up to his mask. Both hands ticked at the sides of the mask and with a hissing sound the front part that covered his mouth moved away. You involuntarily took a step back, not having an idea of how you would react upon seeing his face for the first time, so you grabbed a hold upon the table right at the back of your hips. Until now you wanted to see what his face looked like and now that he was revealing his face, you wanted it to stay hidden forever.</p><p> </p><p>You felt your eyebrows relax and the gap of your mouth grew bigger as the man took the mask off fully. What came out of the mask was nothing near what you thought you would see, even though you had no idea of it in the first place. A long face. Dark long hair on top of light, pinkish skin. A pair of brown hooded eyes. Full lips of dark pink. Long, characteristic nose. Bushy eyebrows. Soft, oval chin.</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes skipped to the rest of the body, the broad chest, wide shoulders, muscular arms, long thick legs. The features of Kylo Ren that you were familiar with. But his face seemed like it had no relation to the rest. It could belong to some musician at one of the balls in Cantonica or to a character that you read in a romance novel in your teenage years. You stared at his face once again as if you were making sure that the head was linked to the body.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re confused.” Kylo Ren spoke, his voice sounded different. The deep tone in his voice was still present to your ears. You couldn’t quite catch what caused the difference. Maybe the echoing was gone with the mask so his voice came out clearer, or it was the addition of the vision that had your perception biased. His long thick eyelashes could be the reason as well, as there was a golden sheen in his eyes. Or the glorious locks falling on his forehead. Maybe it was the pouty lips, a little feminine in contrast to the fact that he was Kylo Ren. There was a soft look in his amber eyes. A tenderness as he waited for a reaction from you which you were not sure you could give. He had you stunned.</p><p> </p><p>“I -” you tried to make out words. <em>What did he ask</em>? Looking into his eyes was not helping. Actually, having him looking deep into your soul made it harder to breathe so you turned your head elsewhere and then to the vinyl player as you turned your back to him fully. It was a disrespectful gesture but you had no other choice. You felt like you were going to faint if you kept eye contact with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I <em>am</em> confused. I didn’t expect you to look this…normal.”</p><p> </p><p>“Normal?” Kylo Ren stepped closer to you, picking up the needle tip from the table and nodding his head as if asking for permission. So you stepped aside to give him space.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, normal.” You replied as you watched him try to fit the needle tip fully to the arm of the player so that it wouldn’t move.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm.” He raised his eyebrows and pouted his lips but his eyes were on what he was doing. The fact that he looked very friendly and easy-to-go made your stomach flip. You found yourself observing his face again. His strong nose was sticking out of the rest of his face. It would look odd if his lips were not as plump as they were. There were many beauty moles on his face, too. God, he was beautiful. You had to turn your head down towards the vinyl player to get back to the real world.</p><p> </p><p>“And yet you can hardly look at me.”  His face lacked any emotion, but his eyes though, they smiled. You have never seen a pair of eyes that could make motion so little yet so expressive. He was smiling with his eyes, bright golden lava leaking into your soul.</p><p> </p><p>He was right. It was hard to look at him when he was staring. “All this time I was talking to a mask. Now it feels different. Guess I’ll get used to it in time.”</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren walked past you as he was done with the vinyl player, looked over the bookshelf, reading the titles. He raised his head in the middle and slightly to the left. “Let’s fall in love.” He spoke. You took a sharp breath through your nostrils as you looked upon his face. He seemed to be calculating something, eyes wandering on the bookshelves. Later you realized what he was doing as his eyes darted back to the vinyl player. It was working better than before and the song playing was called <em>Let’s Fall in Love</em>. A giggle fought its way to come out but you stopped it.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you like oldies?” you asked.</p><p> </p><p>“I do not listen to music often, to be honest, as I do not have much time. But I can say I have a wide range of musical tastes.” He smiled shyly. <em>Oh</em>. You felt something melting in your chest. And it was probably your heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Ren, are you there?!” Hux’s voice came from the corridor. You felt your heart dive into your stomach as his footsteps sounded at the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Here!” Kylo Ren called and with the door opened, Hux stepped inside. His gaze was on Ren’s face, but you could see he was struggling. He was acting as if you didn’t exist. It lasted a few seconds. And his gaze was towards you, a dead stare that skipped to Kylo Ren once again and back to you. There was no fury, no regret, nothing in his eyes. He was out of any emotion, or so it seemed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be leaving for the Starkiller and won’t be back for at least one week. Postpone the visit to next week.” Hux spoke in a monotone voice.</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren however didn’t respond to him. You looked at the dark knight to see the frowning expression on his face, jaw clenched as he glared at Hux. What’s so big deal about postponing a visit, you pondered and his gaze immediately turned to you. Whatever you thought about him being soft was proven wrong now. <em>If looks could kill</em>, you said internally as he looked upon your face, his flaming eyes observing you. His gaze stuck at one point on your face for a second as he squinted his eyes and he looked back into your eyes as he bit the inner side of his bottom lip in rush.</p><p> </p><p>“Inform me about your schedule, general.” Kylo Ren turned back and took his mask from the top of the table and marched towards the door. He placed the mask on before exiting the room, leaving it empty without his broad figure.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m leaving in a few hours.” Hux walked to the middle of the room, closer to the door. “It will take a least one week until I return.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll stay inside my room and isolate myself until you return.” You spoke casually as you adjusted the pile of discs on top of the table.</p><p> </p><p>“I was not going to say that. I’m aware of the consequences of my actions. And I want to fix that.” Hux spoke in a calm voice, so calm that you were certain you were hearing this tone for the first time. “I-” He hesitated for a second, mouth agape and eyes lowered to the floor as he brought his eyebrows together in frustration. “I apologize.” And with that, he turned around on his heel and walked outside the room.</p><p> </p><p>You stared at the door closing after the man as if it would tell you what to do next. You sure were not expecting this reaction from him so you were not prepared. You thought he would start bickering and turn it into a fight as he always did, though you always had some share in it no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>You stalled yourself with organizing the top of the table for a while and your sketchbook appeared at the corner. You took it into your hands and flipped the pages on by one. Most of it were the images of Kylo Ren, some part of it had Millicent, the kids and the droids and the rest was the many faces of Hux. You noticed the expressions varied from serious ones to a slightly smiling ones and in the last pages it was all furious expressions, a look that could be considered angry in an ugly way.</p><p> </p><p>It made you feel guilty, that you were giving him these roles from the impressions you had of him. This was a fact that Hux was not an easy man. He had issues that only a professional hand could reach in helping him to resolve them. It made you sympathize with him, even during the times you yelled at him in response to his restrictive behavior.</p><p> </p><p>Now it was easier for you to conclude. You didn’t need anybody else’s guidance on this. What you needed was there, given to you a minute ago. All you needed was an apology, though you knew that it would not erase the past as a whole, but would help fixing it. So the next thing you did was put the sketchbook down on the table, turn off the vinyl player that has been silent the whole time anyway, and walk out of your room.</p><p> </p><p>You never felt more relaxed than this as you walked your way to Hux’s room, that you could smile by the fact that you were understood after a long time of being neglected. It was so little yet so much from him for you. You appreciated every step he took towards you. And now you were walking to him even faster.</p><p> </p><p>You stopped as you passed by the corner, noticing Hux in the hallway his hand on the wall. He was walking weirdly in a way that you couldn’t grasp at first. “Armitage?” you rushed over to the man and linked your arm into his. You gasped at the sight of him, blood running down from his left eyebrow to his swollen cheek, painting his lower lip that also seemed to be damaged. “How did this happen?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think I deserved it.” You looked at him confused and he explained. “What goes around comes back around, as they say. I shouldn’t have laid a hand on you.”</p><p> </p><p>After a few seconds of hesitating you walked him through his room and helped him sit on his bed as you scanned the room for something to clean his wound. You rushed to the bathroom, put the towel under the running water and picked up ice from the small refrigerator at the corner. You pressed the medical help button on the wall near his bed.</p><p> </p><p>You placed the ice cubes inside of the towel and pressed it on his eyebrow. Hux winced at the cold touch, his wound still bleeding slowly. You wiped his cheek with the hem of the towel and realized that the bruise on his left cheek was worse than the slit on his eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“I…I don’t know how it happened. I was just there, headed downstairs.” Hux paused, seemed like he was trying to recall the incident. “The floor was pulled from my feet. As if…someone pushed me.”</p><p> </p><p>Hux spat the last words, in a way that had you feeling sick in the stomach. No one would dare to even think about the action as their thoughts were not safe around the ship after all, let alone actually pushing him down the stairs. Of course, this was not impossible. If that person was the one whose mind was safe within.</p><p> </p><p>“I suspect of Ren.” He spoke</p><p> </p><p>The words came out casually, you doubted for a second if that was you that let out the sentence or Hux. Your thoughts were already circling around the same idea, but you were too scared to admit it. Scared? Why? He most probably had done things much worse than this, you didn’t even need to think about it. The truth is you were scared that if this was true, you had to avoid him. And something told you, somewhere deep in your soul that you didn’t want to.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?” You asked impatiently.</p><p> </p><p>“I cannot prove it. But he saw me walking down the stairs, heard the sounds I made and didn’t bother to look at what was going on. I think that tells it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t understand. Why would he?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kylo Ren is an abusive prick. That’s what he does. No reasoning behind his actions.”</p><p> </p><p>“No. But we need to do something about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll handle it myself. It has a time. Now I do not want to hear anything about this anymore. And I want you to stay away from him.” Hux stared into you at the end of his sentence and it made the skin on your head feel tingly. How did this turn back to you, again? <em>Whatever</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll get you some more ice.”</p><p> </p><p>And so you did. You treated the bruise on his cheek and the slit on his eyebrow and covered it with concealer. Hux refused to use it at first, but you insisted he do so, saying that it covers these types of things perfectly. Your intention was not to remind him of his fault, though. The words just fled your mouth without thinking. However, it was almost solid as the words got to him. Something washed over his already wounded face, his eyes turning down. You thought for a second, as if he looked and acted exactly like this back in his childhood when his father abused him. You took a long breath through your nostrils as you stood up after you were done. “You can keep the concealer.”</p><p> </p><p>You attempted to leave but Hux grabbed your hand, squeezing it slightly. “Thank you.” He then turned his gaze on the top of his commode to grab a glass of water. You turned back and nodded with a smile before you left his hand empty and walked out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>The bed was stinging your skin, like it was made of micro needles that sank into your flesh. You turned onto your right side, pulling your hair from under your neck. Maybe it was the heat. You closed your eyes again to prepare yourself for sleep. You watched your breath as you imagined the seaside at Canto Bight, the sunset and the chirping of birds that always showed up after sunset. Nothing was helping.</p><p> </p><p><em>I think I deserved it.</em> Hux’s words popped into your mind. Fine. You had to go through all that because it was not going to let you sleep anyway. Now you were between being heartbroken towards Hux and having compassion for him. <em>I shouldn’t have laid a hand on you.</em></p><p> </p><p>There it was. The creeping answer was right before your eyes a few hours ago and you were now realizing it. The bruise on the left cheek of Hux. In the exact spot where he hit you with a smack on your face. <em>What goes around comes back around.</em> You recalled the furious look Kylo Ren gave Hux before leaving the room in a rush. He was mad about something and you thought it was Hux’s words about postponing the visit. No. He wasn’t even listening to him. He was reading his mind. Because right after that, his looks were on your face and he looked at your left cheek before turning his gaze towards the door and leaving the room. Kylo Ren knew what had happened.</p><p> </p><p>Then again, it was not up to him to defend you. You could stand up for yourself as you always did, also you were not pure for speaking of Hux’s deceased mother in that way. And who was Kylo Ren to bring justice between you? He had no business to be a part of it.</p><p> </p><p>You exhaled loudly as you straightened up on your bed and wore your slippers. Took the sateen robe from the back of the chair and walked your way out of the room as you put it on, tying it up in rush.</p><p> </p><p>Silent as a mouse could ever be, you walked through the corridor. To your chance, no stormtroopers were pacing. Or that it was late even for patrolling. You passed by the crossroad and approached the door you were headed to. You heard footsteps at the corridor and hid in the threshold that led to Kylo Ren’s room. A stormtrooper passed by, not noticing you as he took the turn and walked downstairs. <em>What am I even doing here?</em> As you attempted to leave, you heard the metallic door opened.</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren appeared within the darkness of the room, a bright figure as he approached. The brightness was coming from his exposed skin, a towel on his shoulder as he dried his long hair with swift movements, droplets of water from the shower he took still shining on his wide chest. Another towel wrapped around his waist</p><p> </p><p>“I- I should come back another time.” You let your gaze down awkwardly and turned your back to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Coming here in the middle of the night… What you will say to me must be important.” Kylo Ren spoke under his breath. Either he didn’t want to be heard by the others, or it was the heat from the shower he took, his voice was husky.</p><p> </p><p>“It is.” You nodded sharply as you stepped into the room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>First things first, I need to big thank Alyssa for being my beta reader. Omg ya'll don't know what she's been through lmao. Much respect and love to you, sis! &lt;3</p><p>This chapter is a little bit... longer than I imagined it to be. Like waaayyy long lol. But it is nice, I promise :3</p><p>What do you think abut Hux? Idk what to feel about Hux, man. I fail to hate him. I don't like him either, but... It is confusing.</p><p>Feel free to tell me about your thoughts and advices!! </p><p>Hope you enjoy it! :)</p>
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